Whatever you say next, keep these things in mind…

​​

• Talk about sex in the context of love, intimacy, consent and healthy relationships. (As Boys & Sex author Peggy Orenstein emphasises, casual hookups don’t create emotional connection.) Make nothing taboo if you want a repeat conversation about sex. What you say is far less important than how your child feels as they hear the answer. Make sure your child knows that no question can be bad or wrong

​​

• Early adolescence can be an age of mass hysteria about puberty at school. Your child might need more reassurance than you know. Adopt a gentle – perhaps carefree – tone. If you’re relaxed and down to earth with them, they’ll pick up on your matter-of-factness and confidence 

​

• This question is a gift for parents who want to raise their child with a shame-free attitude towards sex – because it’s a chance to let their child know that sex should be enjoyable. This is often missed out in relationship & sex education (RSE) lessons, which often focus more on safe sex. But it’s important for children to know so they can stand up for themselves later in life if something feels wrong. Consent and pleasure – knowing what feels good and being able to say what you like – are connected…