Former logistics manager Gisèle Pelicot, age 72 – “a feminist hero for insisting that the rape trial of her ex-husband and 50 other men should be held in public – says she is driven by her desire to change society and expose RAPE CULTURE”.
For almost a decade her husband Dominique organised, via a chatroom called Without her Knowledge, for strangers to rape her in her bed while she was in a comatose state. Gisèle explains:
“‘Lots of women, and men, say: ‘You’re very brave.’ I say it’s not bravery – it’s will and determination to change society.
I wanted all woman victims of rape – not just when they have been drugged: rape exists at all levels – to say: ‘Mrs Pelicot did it – we can too.’
When you’re raped there is shame. It’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them.
The profile of a rapist is not someone met in a car park late at night. A rapist can also be in the family, among our friends.’
[On wives, girlfriends or friends in court saying the accused did not seem capable of rape] ‘We have to progress on rape culture in society. People should learn the definition of rape’”
WORDS Gisèle Pelicot tells mass rape trial “it’s not for us to have shame – it’s for them” (Guardian, 23/10/24)
MORE FROM GISELE
• [On a defence lawyer stating: “There’s rape & there’s rape”] “No, there are no different types of rape. Rape is rape”
• [On the men on trial] “For me they are rapists. Rape is rape.
Of course today I feel responsible for nothing. Today, above all, I’m a victim.
We have to progress on rape culture in society”
• “I’ve felt humiliated in this courtroom. I’ve been called an alcoholic, a conspirator of Mr Pelicot. In the state I was in, I absolutely could not respond. I was in a comatose state; the videos show that.
When they see a woman sleeping on her bed, no one thought to ask themselves a question? Don’t they have brains? When does a husband decide for his wife?”
• [On having had an affair] “I’ve often thought that maybe [Dominique] never recovered from the fact that I had met someone in my life. I often felt responsible. I thought: was it not maybe revenge? But he had affairs as well.
The first man I knew was my husband, the second was my lover”
MORE ON THE CASE
• “Rapes are committed by our neighbours, our colleagues, our relatives in our homes” – social historian Ivan Jablonka
• “Let’s stop viewing women’s bodies as objects at our disposal. Let’s stop thinking there exists a certain male nature that justifies our behaviour” – statement signed by 170+ men in the newspaper Libération
• “Male violence is not about monsters but men – everyday men. All men benefit from a system that dominates women. Since we are all the problem, we can all be part of the solution” – statement author therapist Morgan N Lucas
ON WOMEN, BODIES & BEAUTY FROM Surgery, shame and self-erasure: four female writers on the tyranny of impossible beauty standards (Guardian, 17/9/24)
V (FORMERLY EVE ENSLER) “My mother was movie-star pretty with an hourglass figure. I thought: ‘She has entree into a world I’ll never know.’
When she cut off her hair my father stopped talking to her. I thought: ‘Fuck beauty. Fuck pleasing men. No one will ever own my fucking body.’ I stopped shaving my underarms and legs. I refused to wear a bra. I had a lot of sex. I almost drank myself to death.
In my 40s my obsession about having a not-flat stomach took me around the world talking to women about beauty. A lady in her 60s tightened her vagina as an anniversary gift to her husband. One woman had 26 plastic surgeries. I asked a woman in Kenya if she was obsessed with being beautiful or thin. She said: ‘Do you say this tree is more beautiful than that tree? You’re a tree. Love your tree’”
ARWA MAHDAWI “I had a brush with anorexia as a teen. Popular girls at school started talking to me. By making myself smaller, I’d grown in their esteem – a life lesson: women who punish and control their body are respected. A woman at peace with her bulges and blemishes can be seen as lacking; a woman at constant war with her body is to be admired. But that plucking, shaving, taming, injecting, filling and sculpting can’t be too in-your-face.
Navigating beauty standards means walking a tightrope that gets yanked one way and another”
LAURA BARTON “At 19 I bought my first anti-wrinkle face cream. I was emaciated and run through with a kind of corporeal dread.
Like most girls, I learned early that I was somehow wrong: too plump, pale, plain. I was teased for being ugly.
I’m 46. At a dinner I was the only woman who hadn’t tried Botox. I’ve kept at bay the decision of whether to join their number. It’s coming – I am merely diverting the river”
KATE McCUSKER “In TikTok videos teens send up the drag-queen make-up trends of my adolescence and expound on ‘clean beauty’.
At 27 I bought a retinol serum because a saleswoman was benignly mean: ‘What do you mean you don’t use one? Your future self will thank you.’
It wasn’t the £60 serum that stung the most. It was the presence in the queue of 3 teenage girls. I’d heard of this new strain of teen and seen TikTok videos of them sending up the heavy drag-queen make-up trends of my adolescence and expounding on ‘clean beauty’ – which involves herculean efforts to apply make-up in a way that looks like you aren’t wearing any. But seeing those teens gripping bottles of overpriced gunk, I felt like crying for all of us”
During a speech at the Democratic National Convention on 22 August, vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz said of his wife Gwen, daughter Hope (age 23) and son Gus (age 17): “You are my entire world and I love you.”
His demonstrativeness – a PUBLIC DISPLAY OF MALE EMOTION – was echoed by his son’s expressive reaction…
“Gus stood, clapped and tearfully shouted ‘That’s my dad!’ – an emotional moment that went viral.
Walz said he was taken by surprise in the best way possible. He and his wife recently told People magazine their son is a ‘brilliant’ teenager whose ‘secret power’ lies in his neurodivergence, as the teen lives with ADHD, an anxiety disorder and a nonverbal learning disorder.
Walz said: ‘I don’t know, as a father, I could have ever imagined that.
I’m grateful to be on this ticket, but that moment to understand what was really important – to have my son feel a sense of pride in me… It was just such a visceral emotional moment. I’m grateful I got to experience it and I’m so proud of him.’
The viral moment drew an outpouring of love and support on social media, with many families seeing themselves reflected in the Walz family, countering the instances of social media cyberbullying that followed the teen’s moment on the global stage.
‘Talking about the era we’re in: our politics can be better, it can be different,’ Walz said. ‘We can show some of these things and we can have families involved in this. I hope people felt that out there and I hope they hug their kids a little tighter’”
WORDS Tim Walz says he’s “proud” of son Gus, who lives with neurodivergence, and his viral DNC moment (CBS News, 30/8/24)
ON HOW GUS’S REACTION IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DISCUSS NEURODIVERSITY…
“‘It was joyful to watch Gus,’ says psychologist Nancy Doyle, explaining that neurodivergent people tend to be highly sensitive and experience life at the extreme ends.
‘Expressing emotion is seen as weak because there are so many messages in society to repress, ignore or overcome emotional thinking.
You’ve got a cultural narrative that makes us want to police our emotions in a certain way. Then you’ve got Gus, who’s letting it all hang out and totally going for it. It made everyone go: ‘Wow, what’s that?’”
We at Ducky Zebra believe kids should feel free to be bold, kind, adventurous or calm without being limited by clothes! Here are 10 ways kids’ clothing reinforces GENDER STEREOTYPES…
ANIMALS Aggressive predators (for boys) vs cute prey (for girls)
For boys: lions, crocodiles and sharks (ie strength and dominance)
For girls: pets eg rabbits and kittens (ie softness and caring)
ENERGY Active vs calm
For boys: volcanos, skateboards, footballs (ie be bold)
For girls: tranquil butterfly and flower scenes (ie be quiet)
FACTS & FANTASY Realistic vs dreamy
For boys: fact-driven images eg dinosaurs and space (ie you should value logic)
For girls: mythical creatures eg unicorns (ie embrace fantasy). Studies show that toys and media promoting gender-based scientific or creative careers can limit kids’ interests
FONTS Bold vs delicate
For boys: big bold capitals (ie you should take up space)
For girls: lowercase italicised letters (ie be soft-spoken)
FOOD High energy vs sweet
For boys: hearty food eg pizza and burgers (savoury)
For girls: cherries, strawberries and lollipops (sweet)
ANIMAL EYES Bold and alert vs gentle and demure
For boys: animals with wide-open eyes (ie be ready for action)
For girls: serene, eyes-half-closed expressions (ie be quiet and composed)
LOOKS & BEAUTY Natural vs glamorous
For boys: animals with no embellishment
For girls: animals with long eyelashes andbeauty accessories (ie focus on your looks)
SLOGANS Solo vs friendship
For boys: confidence-boosting phrases eg “I am the future” (ie be independent)
For girls: friendship and togetherness, eg “Best Friends Forever” (ie you need others for support)
NATURE Adventure vs nurturing
For boys: mountain climbing and adventure (ie be active and explore)
For girls: flowers, bees and dolphins (ie protect nature)
FIT Relaxed vs frilly
For boys: loose and practical ie comfortable
For girls: tight, short, with decoration ie restrictive
From ages 2-5 kids are figuring out where they fit in the world. By 6 or 7 many have fixed ideas about what they can achieve & activities that seem “right” for them
FROM 10 Hidden Messages in High-Street Kids’ Clothing (And Why We’re Saying No to Them) (Ducky Zebra, 13/9/24)
“If you want your teen to be sexually healthy, confident and informed, TALK OPENLY ABOUT SEX & RELATIONSHIPS TOPICS instead of letting them get ‘facts’ from friends and social media.
‘The idea of talking can be, in their words, mega-cringe,’ says Rebecca Cant of sexual health charity Brook – but research shows that receiving sex ed both in school and at home means teens are more likely to delay sexual activity, have consensual first-time sex, practise safe sex and seek help.
So…
ACKNOWLEDGE EMBARRASSMENT and say: ‘I never talked about this stuff with my parents but I’ll do my best’
FORGET HAVING ‘THE TALK’ Little and often is key in keeping conversations natural. Ask your teen what they think about a sex ed topic in a film or the news
DON’T USE EUPHEMISMS Vague language can create confusion and shame
USE CORRECT TERMS for body parts
TALK ABOUT CONSENT and the importance of respecting their and other people’s bodies. Asking if they want a hug models respect for boundaries
DISCUSS EMOTIONS Explain that sex involves emotional connections. Encourage them to think about values. Say: ‘Take your time to figure out how you feel’ENCOURAGE QUESTIONS – say it takes courage to ask something and you’re glad they did
USE DISTANCING TECHNIQUES Frame questions in a way that isn’t personal, eg: ‘Humans are interesting – why do you think we cover our private parts?’
TALK INCLUSIVELY from when your child is young about different relationships, sexual orientations and LGBT+ identities. Say: ‘People love in different ways’
AVOID ASSUMPTIONS Ask your teen what they know
DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL – shock or disapproval can shut things down. Thank them for sharing. Suggest talking more so you can fully understand
DON’T IGNORE OR DISMISS FEELINGS or rush the conversation. Say: ‘I can see this makes you uncomfortable. Let’s talk at your pace’
DON’T OVERWHELM THEM Consider your teen’s maturity level. Too much information can be confusing. Come back to a topic later
DON’T CARRY ON if a question surprises you. Gather your thoughts. Say: ‘Give me a moment to grab a cuppa then let’s chat’
It’s an ongoing dialogue that evolves as your teen grows”
WORDS The 14 things parents should and shouldn’t say to teenagers about sex (Independent, 3/9/24) IMAGE Ashley Percival
🩸 Never Just A Period is the latest bold Bodyform ad that’s out to smash PERIOD TABOOS…
“Funny, visceral and cinematic, it spotlights the lack of knowledge around menstrual experiences, from first periods to pain and discharge smell.
Director Lucy Forbes says: ‘I have many memories of not knowing what the hell was going on with my body. The confusion, worry, shame.
There’s a huge gap between what we’re told and what we experience. It’s absurd, complicated and kind of funny. Despite the lineage of women who’ve come before us, we know so little about our bodies. As a mum of 2 young daughters, I’ve lived, breathed and felt so much of this.’
Many women+ find out information about their menstrual cycle throughout their life. AMV BBDO research says that 59% of people who menstruate wish they’d been taught more about periods and intimate health.
Let’s prepare women+ for a lifetime in their body, says Margaux Revol at AMV: ‘Most girls feel unsettled [by their period].
Our culture will keep being a gigantic taboo factory that negatively impacts women+’s health if we don’t tell the truth about our bodies. Our ad carries the energy of anger and the hope for change.’
AMV’s Nadja Lossgott says: ‘It’s never just a period, a bit of pain, the pill, motherhood, an IUD insertion. And it’s definitely not just you. It’s us. All of us.’
Animation, colour, sound and metaphor are powerful tools in showing pain, confusion and frustration. The felt stop-motion uterus shows women+ they’re being seen – ‘visually translating’ feelings into ‘a warm and funny explosion of truth’, says Nicholas Hulley at AMV.
Combining Bach with Over and Over by Hot Chip speaks to ‘historic injustice while providing a galvanising anthem for change’, says Framestore’s Sharon Lock. The ad ‘tells it like it is, with humour and emotion, undoing the stories we grew up with. There’s more information in this 2-minute film than I ever learned in school.’
Revol says: ‘Our ads Blood Normal, Viva La Vulva and #Wombstories don’t confront people by showing them taboos. We want to understand women+’s relationship with their periods, emotions and body’”
🩸 WORDS AMV BBDO Answer “What Do You Wish You’d Been Told?” for Libresse/Bodyform (LBB online, 8/8/24)
Journalist Barbara Ellen on the 2025 Pirelli calendar, after years of clothed campaigns in reaction to “accusations of pandering to the MALE GAZE”, becoming “ultra sexy, with tasteful nudity/near-nudity” again…
“Photographer Ethan James Green, age 34, said: ‘#MeToo really forced everyone to take a pause, which is really good. I thought: “I want to go back to the sexy classic.”’
It’s an example of Post#MeToo creep, eg Victoria’s Secret bringing back wings for its lingerie shows or a resurgent appetite for sexy films and TV shows or male actors – usually older – moaning about intimacy coordinators. Parts of that ethical choreography do sound funny (‘Put your hand there. Don’t pull an orgasmic face yet. Are you comfortable with his pumping speed?’). It’s doubtless a faff to relearn how to do sex scenes, but put-upon men could view it as a saleable skill for their thespian CV, like sword fighting.
There seems to be a push to put #MeToo in the rearview mirror, sometimes with an undercurrent of: ‘Jeez, enough of the PC claptrap already. We’ve all said our mea culpas – time to move on!’
Before years of sexual-safety activism are binned and on-set safeguards derided and dismissed, let’s be clear: #MeToo didn’t ‘force everyone to take a pause’. It wasn’t a token moment’s silence for victims, then everything could resume the way it was before.
#MeToo is a live mandate telling men to stop sexually abusing, harassing and coercing women.
‘Difficult’ women in the entertainment industry saw their careers turned into roadkill because they wouldn’t sleep with someone or disrobe.
#MeToo struck a chord because these pressures, outrages and worse weren’t confined to Hollywood. From galling to humiliating to terrifying, these were Everywoman experiences of a culture of sexual extortion.
With Post#MeToo creep, people act as if they’re on a moral crusade against suppression, and for fun and excitement, when really it’s slyly pushing the dial back to where it was.
#MeToo wasn’t pro-censorship – it was pro-women. It wasn’t a protest against sexual content but against abuses of power. Spanning only 7 years, it wasn’t allowed to last long, was it?”
WORDS Behold the new sexy Pirelli calendar, a perfect example of Post#MeToo creep (Guardian, 18/8/24)
Writer Tyler Wetherall, age 40, on PLEASURE…
“Studies show that women who masturbate feel more entitled to sexual pleasure and self-esteem. If we don’t know what turns us on, how can we expect a partner to?
[As a girl] if I knelt with my heel wedged between my legs and shimmied around I could summon a feeling so immense it made time stop completely.
It was TOO much, TOO good. It was, I thought, a sickness. I wondered how to tell my mum. I never fessed up, but only because I didn’t know how to explain what I was doing.
Years later I overheard a girl at school say ‘masturbation’ with repulsion. I learned it's not something girls ought to do but I didn’t stop.
Researching my novel Amphibian, I spoke with dozens of female friends, strangers, even my mum about their formative sexual experiences. My mum described her orgasms as ‘the pale pink of Georgia O’Keeffe lilies’.
Young people complain that pleasure is absent from sex ed and they’re only taught about ‘penis-centric’ masturbation, which makes the girls feel ashamed for
doing it. [It’s that] gendered double standard and dogma that boys are sexually exploratory but girls aren’t.
My sex ed was focused on saying no: boys would pressure me into sex and it was my responsibility to guard against their unruly (but forgivable?) libidos. No one said it should feel good.
At 11 Frances believed an orgasm should be given by a partner. ‘When I played with myself, there was an edge I knew I’d drop over that I was meant to leave for a boy.’ Once she miscalculated and ‘it was like a horse off to the races’.
Nicky says: ‘I found the clitoris and was like: “This rocks!” I was too young to know it was sexual.’
Our pleasure is erased from the story of sex we’re given. Literally. The clitoris isn’t even included on some diagrams.
How we encounter sexuality and our bodies – and if this learning happens safely and positively or is accompanied by trauma and social censure – has a huge impact on our adult sexuality.
Flo never masturbated and with sex: ‘I was hot & bothered but not turned on. I didn’t know the little signs that things were going right. It was like this locked box, a mystery. My goal was for him to have a good time and think I was great.’
Flo’s story offers a roadmap for passing down pleasure literacy through the generations: they gifted a cousin How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran, a vibrator and a password to an ethical porn site. The cousin did the same for her friends. ‘I may be responsible,’ Flo says, ‘for several cohorts of 14-year-olds discovering pleasure’”
WORDS What Will It Take To Destigmatize Female Masturbation? (British Vogue,11/8/24)
At least half of 3,000 Australian kids aged 12-18 recently surveyed dislike their body, causing them to miss school, according to the Butterfly Foundation, which supports people who have eating disorders and negative BODY IMAGE.
Body dissatisfaction causes many kids to withdraw socially, stay home from school and avoid playing sports.
About 78% wish they were thinner, leaner or more muscular. For almost two-thirds, social media is worsening their body image.
77% have received negative comments or been teased about their looks (77% at school, 38% at home and 33% on social media).
Now in her 20s, Phoebe developed an eating disorder at age 9. She felt bombarded by magazines and billboards with skinny women and ads for diets and beauty products: ‘So many things in your everyday environment promote an “ideal body type”,’ she says. ‘You give in to societal expectations.’
Studies show that kids start experiencing body dissatisfaction from ages 5-7, says Dr Stephanie Damiano. At 6 girls want to be thinner and boys want more muscles.
‘Some young people want to be thin, curvy, muscular and lean all at the same time,’ she says.Young people must be encouraged to value who they are, not how they look, Damiano says.
PARENT TIPS
• If you’re worried about your child’s attitudes towards their looks, eating or exercise, try to understand what’s going on for them. Say: ‘I’ve noticed you’re not eating much at lunch – is there a reason?’ Or: ‘How are things? You don’t seem yourself. Can I help?’
Focus on their feelings, not size. Don’t discuss concerns at mealtimes or when peers or family are around
• Be a positive role model. Show your child what a healthy relationship with your body, eating and physical activity can look like
• Talk about bodies (yours 7 other people’s) in a positive or neutral way. Show appreciation amd gratitude for what your body lets you do
• Don’t label food as good/bad, healthy/unhealthy, clean/toxic/junk. Don’t say: ‘I need to work this off’
• Don’t focus on shape or size. Make changes about nutrition and activity as a family”
WORDS More than half of young people unhappy with their appearance, reveals Butterfly Foundation survey (The West Australian, 30/7/24)
The film book Hey Kids, Watch This! aims to inspire discussion and bonding between parents and kids around WATCHING MOVIES. Here writers share parent-child film memories…
• After my dad and I saw Die Another Day, he decided it was time for The Talk: “Nothing wrong with sex scenes, but they should’ve shown a condom as well, or at least a condom wrapper.” I nodded politely (Dylan B Jones)
• Showing Matilda to my 5-year-old, I was convinced that “mildly disturbing” was the defining quality of any great kids’ film. It’s a comedy about child abuse – why I was so determined to pass it down? I didn’t scar my son. I mentioned it recently and he had no idea what I was talking about (Rachel Aroesti)
• At 12 I was determined to watch the 12-rated Coyote Ugly. During an extended striptease, I felt a full-body horror descend on my dad and me. He wanted to leave; I sat there rigid with embarrassment (Sirin Kale)
• Disney would be a corrective to the diet of Star Wars my son ingests thanks to his dad. He’s 5 – all that violence isn’t age appropriate. But Encanto terrified him. My husband said smugly: “He was never like this with Yoda” (Libby Brooks)
• I was 11 when my mum snuck me into the cinema to watch the 18-rated Lust, Caution. She insisted on covering my eyes in every sex scene (Amy Hawkins)
• At 14 I had my dad take me to see American Pie. I didn’t know it was a sex comedy featuring a man fucking a pie. On the silent drive home neither of us could acknowledge the excruciating experience we’d shared (Alan Evans)
• I saw Jude at 15. It was so graphic I kept shuffling seats away from my unruffled mum (Rhik Samadder)
• My daughter Tsubamé & I fell hard for Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. I’ll say: “It’s just like Miles’s mom saying to never let anyone tell him he doesn’t belong” and Tsu hugs me so tight and off she goes, ready to take on the world (Dale Berning Sawa)
• After Frozen II our 3-year-old and her mates raced down to the front dance to the theme tune Into The Unknown. That’s when the lyrics hit me. Every single day these girls venture into the unknown – the thrill and the fear of life itself. The same is true of being a parent. I left the cinema in a wobbly emotional state (Tim Jonze)
Now many kids’ films are better than most grownup movies: the wit, invention, plotting, detail, subtle messaging and emotional wallop.
Try Leo, Shaun The Sheep Movie, Madagascar 3, The Mitchells Vs The Machines, Inside Out, Paddington, Toy Story 3, The Lego Movie…
WORDS “Sobbing in the aisles”: writers on their most memorable parent-kid film experiences (Guardian, 9/8/24)
On the US ballot: 2 kinds of MASCULINITY and ways men can position themselves in relation to women and talk about themselves as dads and male role models…
“The men at Kamala Harris‘s side embrace second-fiddle roles in supporting a woman’s rise to power. At the Democratic convention her running mate Tim Walz and husband Doug Emhoff – who paused his legal career when she was elected VP – projected tenderness more than toughness.
Walz mentioned his and his wife’s struggles with infertility and became visibly emotional as he said his wife and kids – sobbing in the audience – were ‘my entire world’.
As an ex-Army man and football coach, he carries the trappings of traditional masculinity but once said the trick is to ‘surround yourself with smart women and listen to them and you’ll do just fine’.
Coach Walz became the faculty sponsor when a student founded a gay-straight alliance.
Gender-equity expert Amy Diehl says of Walz and Emhoff: ’It’s a tonic masculinity, the antidote to toxic masculinity.’
By contrast, Trump entered the Republican convention to the tune It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World ‘as the big man who’s going to be in charge’, says political scientist Lori Marso. Ex-wrestler Hulk Hogan also spoke.
Trump and his VP JD Vance have had backlash for comments about women. In 2005 Trump said men who are hands on with childcare are acting ‘like the wife’.
Democrats position themselves as the party of women’s rights, particularly on abortion, while a Republican movement wants to embrace the ‘traditional family’ and halt a supposed decline in masculinity”
WORDS Two versions of masculinity are on the 2024 ballot (Axios, 24/8/24)
MORE ON MASCULINITY…
• “The Republicans’ Tampon Tim nickname for Walz is an example of locker room talk. Boys build themselves up by feminising others”
• “The election is defined by masculine vs feminine framing: Trump’s chest-beating macho appeals vs Joe Biden’s softer, reproductive-rights-dominated, all-gender inclusivity”
• “Biden stepping down from power is a model of mature masculinity”• “There’s the enlightened maleness of ‘happily deferential’ Walz & Emhoff. The dark side of the Y chromosome is neopatriarchy, which wants a ‘reversal of the feminist revolution’”
Olympic athletes have been speaking out about PERIODS. Long jumper Jazmin Sawyers, age 30, says…
“As a teenager I struggled with my period and training and feeling I didn’t know how to talk to my coaches about it or that I shouldn’t.
In 2017 I had to pull out of a competition because of my period. I posted about it online, which went a bit nuts.
I realised this conversation needs to be had more in sport.
If I’d been able to speak about this when I was a teenager,
I probably wouldn’t have been into my competitions with anxieties.
I’m brand ambassador for the Always campaign It’s A New Period. Periods are a part of every girl and woman’s life.
I’ve been on my period for every major championship. So any time you see me out there competing, I’m on my period. That’s an important message to get out to girls because we get so much negative wording around periods.
At the English schools’ champs, my period started as I was going into the call room. I thought: ‘My chances of this competition are over.’
But I won. And that’s when I started to flip the narrative in my head.
I’d love for all women to have a wealth of knowledge about exactly what we’re putting in our bodies.
The earlier we can all learn about our bodies, the better. If we can get research about our menstrual cycles out to young women, then that becomes the norm.
It’s also really important that men – including coaches and parents – understand these things so everybody can have educated conversations”
WORDS Jazmin Sawyers: “I’ve been on my period for every major championship” (Glamour UK, 6/8/24)
MORE ATHLETES ON PERIODS
• Chinese swimmer Fu Yuanhui on coming in 4th: “Actually, my period started yesterday evening. That’s why I feel very weak and tired, but this is not an excuse”
• US rugby player Ilona Maher wasn’t expecting her period at the Paris Olympics but took “like 50 tampons and 5 pairs of period panties”
• UK golfer Annabel Dimmock: “When I’m competing and on my menstrual cycle, it’s a different mindset I have to take. It’s so easy to get angry. I find it harder to control my emotions. In the heat my fatigue is higher.
Young girls need to understand that this is something they need to talk about with their coach or even their parents”
On Edinburgh Fringe Festival shows with BODY IMAGE themes…
“Turning the mirror on themselves and society, female comedians are fighting back against the damage of pressures to be attractive.
Hannah Platt, 31, says: ‘I always felt my looks didn’t suit who I was and my appearance was almost offensive to others, even an insult. I assumed it was how everyone felt. Then I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia. In my show Defence Mechanism, I make the audience laugh about it.’
Told she was ugly by boys in her class, she absorbed the message. ‘Looking at what I watched on TV – like America’s Next Top Model, where they criticised beautiful women – I can see the 90s was a bad time to grow up.’
Male comedians are not judged the way women are, argues Platt: ‘They’re allowed to be an ugly ‘smart and funny’ guy. Even disgusting. There’s a reluctance in my audience sometimes when I talk about feeling unattractive. They don’t want to accept it.’
Michelle Shaughnessy, 40, creator of the unflinching show Too Late, Baby, says: ‘I thought life would start when I got to the right weight. When I did, I thought: how come I still don’t feel right?’ Revealing her ridiculous insecurities, Shaughnessy lays much of the blame at the door of advertising.
‘I was bullied at school,’ she says. ‘It was still acceptable to laugh at people for being fat. Looking at photos, I wasn’t as big as I recalled. In my mind I was huge.’
The result: cosmetic interventions like Botox, liposuction and surgeries: ‘I’ve yoyo-dieted my whole life and I got sick of it. You reach your goal then go back to normal eating. So I jumped onto weight-loss drug Ozempic.
I have a control issue but it seems to be relatable for people of all ages. So I thought: I’ll make an honest show about it all.’
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) sufferer Olivia Levine’s show Unstuck confronts the self-loathing she felt in adolescence, when she viewed her body as contaminated and potentially harmful to others.
The show 3Hams tells of 2 friends who bond over their struggle with eating disorders”
WORDS “It was the first time I wasn’t obsessed with food”: comedians mine Ozempic trend for laughs at Edinburgh fringe (Guardian, 27/7/24)
INSIDE OUT 2 director Kelsey Mann, dad of a daughter and son, says…
“I wanted to make a movie about dealing with the thought that you’re not good enough.
Inside Out 2 was inspired by my birthday photos. When I was 5, I had the biggest smile on my face. Then I turned 8, then 11 and my smile diminished to the point where at 13 I sat there just staring at the cake. I looked miserable. I hated the attention.
You become self-conscious and I was really hard on myself. If I go down deep, I was thinking: ‘Am I worth all this celebrating?’
I’m OK being vulnerable. For this movie I had to talk about stuff I normally wouldn’t: my feelings. Especially when there are 400 people on the crew.
I asked professor Dacher Keltner, an emotional expert on Inside Out: ‘[What feelings] drive at age 13?’ He said: ‘The self-conscious emotions. It’s all about social comparison.’ I was like: ‘Oh my gosh, I can see that in myself & my kids. It’s what we’re hard-wired to do’”
WORDS The Inside Story of Inside Out 2’s New Emotions (A.frame, 13/6/24)
MORE FROM MANN
• “[At 13] I hated everyone looking at me. You’re suddenly self-aware & see nothing but flaws. We want teens to look at themselves in the mirror and love what they see inside and out”
• “If you’ve ever asked a teenager how their day was & heard: ‘Fine’ – that’s Ennui”
• [On puberty] “Neural pathways are being torn down, new ones are being formed and they’re not connected yet. I was like: cranes, construction crews, demolition, then a wrecking ball comes through and workers tear the place up.
I wanted my son to enjoy this movie as much as my daughter. I wanted to make sure we’re being true to what it is to be a 13-year-old girl but in a way that you don’t have to be, or have been, a 13-year-old girl to enjoy it.
If you don’t have any feelings, you might not like this movie”
• “I wish I’d had a movie like this when I was growing up because you go through a lot and think it’s only you. It was a big opportunity to tell a lot of people they’re not alone”
• “We wanted to tell a story that made some teenagers’ lives that much easier. It’s all about navigating emotions. A lot of it is me trying to connect to myself as a teenager and all the changes I went through that helped me get through all the changes I’m going through as a director”
Writer Ruth Whippman, author of BOYMUM: RAISING BOYS IN AN AGE OF TOXIC MASCULINITY, says…
“‘We need to do for boys what my mom’s generation started for girls: dig into the socialisation and expand our sense of what boys can be.’
Are boys more violent in how they play; less able to sit still and listen; avoidant to forming deep, empathic friendships?
Sadly, boy babies are biologically more sensitive and emotionally fragile than girls but less likely to be touched, soothed, chatted to and picked up when they cry. And parents read with girls and talk to them about their feelings more than with boys.
In 2012 Lego launched a Friends range for girls but marketed weapons to boys. ‘Girls got Friends; boys got enemies,’ says Whippman.
Boys’ tales seem limited to battles, adventures and vehicles. Boys have no magazines showing them relational dilemmas where they have to consider others’ feelings. Books, films and TV shows don’t place boys at the heart of relationship-driven narratives.
A study found boys up to age 5 are ‘as capable as girls at reading emotions and forming close friendships – but by 6 or 7 they subscribe to classic notions of masculinity and become emotionally distant from friends.’
Male friendships tend to be surface-level and defined by banter and one-upmanship. Boys don’t want this but don’t know how to change the competitive dynamic.
‘Boys are barely out of the Lego-battle stage when TikTok and YouTube algorithms show them masculinity content,’ says Whippman.
A 2023 survey found 80% of UK boys aged 16-17 consumed Andrew Tate content: ‘Talk about Tate with kids. But don’t just have one talk.’
Make boys feel seen and loved and engage with them about their emotions. Male role models starting the conversation can counter the idea that emotions are ‘women’s business’.
Encourage boys to emotionally interact with male mates so they improve at sharing emotions and learn to ask friends how they’re feeling and offer support.
‘Boys and men get material advantages – at the cost of their freedom to access the full range of feeling and connection,’ she says. ‘We need to listen to boys’”
WORDS How to make sure you don’t raise toxic sons (Independent, 8/6/24) IMAGE Karen Norris/Christian Science Monitor
COMING OF AGE author Dr Lucy Foulkes recalls: “When we were 12 and 13, there was shoplifting. We drank. There was smoking too, cigarettes and weed. Year 8, for its volatility combined with our vulnerability, was one of the wildest years of my life.
Fast-forward 23 years and Jonathan Haidt’s book Anxious Generation focuses on mental health problems increasing among teens. He links this to social media and a decline in exploratory play, saying we should ban smartphones for under-14s and social media for under-16s.
Adolescents being taught about mental health, and public awareness campaigns, have contributed to the increase in reported rates of problems. More teens seek help; others mislabel lower levels of distress as a problem. If my friends and I had filled out anxiety questionnaires, our scores would have been off the scale.
I recently wrote Coming Of Age and was struck by how powerful and self-shaping adults’ adolescent memories are and by how similar struggles are across generations.
Teens succumb to peer pressure and copy friends. They smoke and drink with and because of friends.
With social media you have more people to compare yourself with, you edit and curate how you present yourself and you quantify how well liked you are by your peers. Embarrassing things happen in front of a bigger audience.
Most teens do not have mental health problems but they do have social media.
For marginalised teens – eg those who are autistic or LGBTQ+ – the internet can allow them to understand themselves and foster relationships.Parents can help teens navigate what they find hard about social media. Be interested in what your teen is doing, teach them online-safety basics and support them to be open about what happens to them or what they see.
A teen glued to a screen is not a sign of digital ‘addiction’ – it’s a manifestation of them caring about peers.
Today’s teens are not the anxious generation. They’re navigating adolescence and expressing it with the language adults have given them. They’re resourceful & resilient. We should respect the complexity of their lives”
FROM I’m an expert on adolescence: here’s why a smartphone ban isn’t the answer, and what we should do instead (Guardian, 15/6/24) IMAGE Eiko Ojala
Broadcaster Catherine Carr, mum of boys aged 13 and 15 and creator of radio show ABOUT THE BOYS, says…
“In talking to boys aged 13-19, I was amazed at their openness, thoughtfulness, honesty and vulnerability. One said: ‘People think boys are bratty, spoiled, disgusting and rude. It’s not true.’
Another said: ‘Men come across as powerful figures that need to protect. But men have off days and we are fragile.’
Older boys talk about patriarchy being bad for boys and concerns about mental health: ‘80% of suicides are men.’
I never worried about how #MeToo and Everyone’s Invited – which raise awareness of sexual assault against girls and women – might affect boys. But many are now fearful of sex andrelationships.
Some internalise ideas that boys are ‘bad’ or don’t initiate relationships because of perceived risks.
The mother of a 16-year-old who tells her about dating and hooking up says it’s ‘quite common’ among his friends to record their partner, on their phone, giving verbal consent before sex – or to record the whole event.
Boys say oral sex is more common at year 11 [age 15-16] parties than other kinds of sex. They say watching porn gave them unrealistic ideas about what their body and face should look like during intercourse and what they should do with or to their partner. ‘We know it’s an unrealistic expectation,’ one boy said, ‘but you still have to fill those boots.’
Boys worry that porn shows penetrative sex lasting 25 minutes and were reassured to hear that on average it lasts 3 to 4 minutes.
Many are angry that the adults in their lives dodge uncomfortable conversations about sex, including ‘what to do and where everything even is’.
Sex is connected to YouTube and TikTok and boys are aware that porn content seeps into almost every place they go online.
Ideas of what it means to be a man and how to start a relationship get tangled up with being ‘stone-faced’, ‘manning up’ and being ‘emotionally expressive and vulnerable’.
Warm, thoughtful and frank, the boys kept coming back to feelings: ‘They don’t think we’re soft inside. It’s hard to open up as a boy’”
WORDS From doomscrolling to sex: being a boy in 2024 (Guardian, 5/5/24) IMAGE @eduukpo12/Unsplash
“There is a disturbing rise in the number of teenage boys demanding ROUGH SEX and CHOKING partners as young as 12, research reveals.
About two-thirds of 5,000 female respondents to a survey by Dr Debby Herbenick had been choked by a partner during sex – and 40% were aged 12-17 the first time. In a previous survey, it was 25%.
Experts warn that the normalisation of rough sex in popular culture, the accessibility of porn & social media are driving this trend.
Sex researcher and writer Peggy Orenstein was startled when, during a 2020 Q&A, a 16-year-old girl came to her asking: ‘How come boys all want to choke you?’
In class a boy, age 15, asked: ‘Why do girls all want to be choked?’
Choking, a common form of rough sex, is a form of strangulation, as it sees pressure being placed on the neck.
In the New York Times, Orenstein writes: ‘Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual porn, has long been a staple on free sites – those default sources of sex ed for teens. It’s not uncommon for behaviours to be normalised in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then be adopted in the bedroom.
Sexual asphyxiation was unusual 20 years ago. Now parents, educators, medical professionals and teens themselves urgently need to understand the health consequences.’
In 2019 a high-school girl was choked in the pilot episode of Euphoria and in 2023 in The Idol. Last year’s single by Jack Harlow, Lovin On Me, says: ‘I’m vanilla baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.’
Herbenick is keen for all parents, teachers and caregivers to be aware of the trend and possible harm it can cause.
In her book Yes, Your Kid, she says that many young people believe sex should be rough.
If they don’t take part, university students worry they’ll be branded as boring or will be ‘vanilla shamed’.
Some young men worry they won’t be viewed as masculine if they don’t choke or slap their partner.
Young men learn about rough sex from porn, while young women pick up on it from social media memes and TikTok, Herbenick explains.
They also pick up on ideas about rough sex from friends and popular culture including music and TV shows.
Parents should inform their kids of the dangers of rough sex, says Herbenick – namely that choking can cause brain damage & death. There is no ‘safe’ way to choke anyone”
WORDS Disturbing rise in teenage boys demanding rough sex and choking girls as young as 12 (Daily Mail, 12/4/24)
“Men are not OK. The problem begins in boyhood and so should the solution, says @MrHealthTeacher Christopher Pepper, co-author of the upcoming book TALK TO YOUR BOYS.
‘Boys often don’t learn the basics of social relationships,’ he says. Social skills, like making plans to meet a friend, aren’t usually taught, so boys can lose close friendships with other boys even though they want them.
Andrew Tate figured out boys are interested in talking about gender, masculinity and what it means to be a successful man. There’s an opening for adults to step up to positive conversations about how men can be.
TALKING TIPS
• Make it clear you’re trustworthy BEFORE you need to have difficult conversations (eg about depression or substance abuse). When a boy invites you into his world – talks about a song, meme, video – be curious. Listen. Keep the lines of communication open
• Model taking care of others. Do boys in your life see you being a good friend? Do you talk about people you care about?Boys learn a restricted version of masculinity – what you’re not allowed to do (eg cry). Don’t criticise boys for expressing emotion.
Boys learn a restricted version of masculinity – what you’re not allowed to do (eg cry). Don’t criticise boys for expressing emotion.
Celebrate when boys are caring. Say: ‘I saw how responsible you were with your sister when she was upset.’
Things coded as feminine are often life skills that will help boys grow into good friends, partners and dads
• When boys blame girls or feminism for problems, that’s a red flag. Often it happens via social media.
Encourage critical thinking. Say: ‘I was surprised to hear you say that. Tell me more.’
Boys often dismiss offensive statements, eg about rape, as jokes. That can be a signal that they want to learn more or don’t understand it.
It can make an impact if a man says: ‘Joking about sexual harassment is not OK with me. I want to tell you why.’ Saying these things gets easier with practice.
Ask for a do-over of tough conversations. Say: ‘I realise I kind of misspoke. I wonder if we can talk again’
• Check your stereotypes: hire a boy as a babysitter.
Sometimes adults talk about teenage boys as if they’re scary or a different species. Recognise boys’ humanity”
WORDS How to talk to boys so they grow into better men (Vox, 12/3/24)
A new Elmer story – written in 2022 by DAVID MCKEE just before he died at age 87 – is out next year. McKee created the rainbow elephant after his Anglo-Indian daughter was “left in tears by a racial taunt”. The message of celebrating your true colours made Elmer an LGBT+ hero…
“In Elmer And The White Bear, Elmer meets a bear trying to find his way home after floating from the frozen north on a tiny scrap of melting ice.
He’s lost in the jungle ‘because of global warming. The world getting warmer.’
McKee wanted to write a story to help parents talk about the climate emergency with their kids, said his son: ‘Many organisations wanted to use Elmer as a mascot. My father never wanted that, because Elmer belongs to everybody. So the idea of making a statement with Elmer… was a first.’
In an early version Elmer says: ‘We’re going to have to do something about this [global heating]. We can’t just leave the fridge door open.’
McKee said about his desire to write discursive books that adults would want to talk about with their kids: ‘Picture books should be shared and I like the fact that you’ve got the adult audience. Having something to talk about in the book, not just a tale with a happy ending, interests me’”
WORDS Elmer and the climate crisis: lost story by David McKee set to be published (Guardian, 7/4/24)
MORE FROM MCKEE
“So many people see things in Elmer that he has taken on a huge life. Elmer is all about accepting who you are while celebrating difference. We are all different but the differences make the world so rich. At first Elmer wanted to be like the other elephants. In the end he had to be himself.
I liken the books to my children: you try to guide them but they have to live their own lives.
We have to work together. That’s a big message of Elmer’s: we need each other. We can’t have all these fears and prejudices.
Sometimes I think I am just writing a story, then I realise I am talking about an issue. You hear terrible stories of families fleeing something awful. They are outsiders. I have the right to go where I want – I feel we should grant that right to others. We can’t just say to people: ‘Don’t come.’ We should be trying to help. [So in Elmer And The Hippos] I had the elephants telling Elmer to get rid of some new animals, but Elmer works with them.
Elmer And The Lost Treasure is about realising the value of things other than money – because culture can be the greatest treasure of our lives, can’t it?”
Writer EMMELINE CLEIN, age 29, on Dead Weight: Essays On Hunger And Harm…
“I wrote this book for anyone who has blamed, hated or hurt themselves for their desire to conform to beauty standards that demand self-harm.
Disordered eating is one of our era’s seminal social, economic, political & cultural issues, not a niche set of clinical diseases or an outdated feminist concern.
Corporations profit from beauty standards via money generated by the weight-loss industry & eating-disorder treatment complex.
[I would tell my 12-year-old self] You are violently misunderstood by a society that wants you to hate & hurt yourself. You’ve come up with coping mechanisms you share with other girls, but those strategies won’t help as much as you think.
I hope you can talk to other girls honestly about how you all feel about food & your bodies. You might realise you’re less alone than you think, less lost. Other women have treasure maps.
There are powerful systems attempting to minimise & manipulate us but they are not nearly as smart as women are.
So many of us have been hurt by this culture of disordered eating. If we listen to each other’s stories, enough of us might decide to be the screw that doesn’t turn right, that breaks the machine”
WORDS Author Emmeline Clein on the “Machine” That Fuels Eating Disorders and Grinds Up Young Women (Self, 25/3/24)
EXTRA CREDIT Listen to Our Society’s Disordered Eating With Emmeline Clein – Next Question With Katie Couric podcast (7/3/24)
ALSO see the excellent Good Girls: A Story And Study Of Anorexia by Hadley Freeman
MORE FROM CLEIN
• “Society wants your eating disorder to take up so much of your brainpower that you don’t have time to think about other political, social & economic issues. That is not a failure of yours.
Once you realise you’ve been reading the room you’re locked into correctly, you can get the key to exit that room”
• “Women are often like: ‘What woman hasn’t had an eating disorder?’”
• “It’s painful exerting control on your body, emotions & soul. It’s a masochistic coping mechanism.
What if we throw other things in the toolbox & stop having a toolbox only filled with knives?”
• “As a young girl growing up in this country, you really are receiving messages that prize thinness from all sides – it is prized in your GP’s office, on TV shows, by celebrities. Those lessons we need to unlearn to save each other.
This isn’t a story about calories or weight loss; it’s about lies, love, community, care, capital & hunger.
It is so easy to understand yourself as someone who wasn’t ‘strong enough’” to resist these forces or who artificially overvalued fitness and therefore is ‘crazy’.
You aren’t crazy. You read between the lines of a message society was sending you & developed a coping mechanism that is also a disease, enthralled to a beauty standard that you’ve been bombarded with”
🌈 “At the 2024 Oscars, RYAN GOSLING’s rendition of the song I’m Just Ken from the movie Barbie was somehow more campy, flamboyant & homoerotic than the film version. His Kenergetic performance stole the show.
The song, and Gosling’s portrayal of Ken in the film, were designed to both embrace and subvert ideas of toxic masculinity. But his Oscar performance took that to the next level – in a glittery hot-pink suit, he caressed the faces of the adoring Kens who surrounded him on stage.
Though the song’s implicit message is that Ken’s worth is tied to his heterosexuality, the Kens whose faces Gosling caressed were seemingly all hot for one another as they performed a dance routine that could have been lifted out of the Rockettes (an expression of regressive hyperfemininity).
This was the definition of a queer performance, one that embodies ‘resistance to the normative in terms of gender, sexuality and dramaturgy’, as the authors of What’s Queer About Queer Performance Now? wrote.
In flamboyantly and homoerotically embracing an ostensibly toxic and cisgender/heterosexual brand of masculinity,
Gosling’s performance destabilised historical understandings of gender and sexuality as fixed and binary. And the performance showed how fragile such constructions are.
‘Masculine and feminine roles are not biologically fixed but socially constructed,’ philosopher Judith Butler wrote in Gender Trouble.
This is what made Ken’s performance so KENERGISING and exhilarating: it was as if we were all suddenly in on the joke that is gender.
Gosling integrated hyperfemininity, hypermasculinity, heterosexuality and homosexuality. They complemented each other. And in refusing to subscribe to one expression of gender and sexuality, his performance, like so much of queer culture, offers us divergent expressions of these identities.
Yes, it was subversive (inasmuch as a capitalistic, white, mainstream, homonationalist expression of queerness can be). But its fluidity also meant it was unifying. Most of us could find some element of ourselves in it”
🌈 WORDS Ryan Gosling’s Oscar night performance was wonderfully queer (MSNBC, 11/3/24)
ON GOSLING
• “Ryan was like: ‘I’m gonna kiss the cameraman’s hand. Can you just make sure he’s cool if I kiss his hand?’”
🌈 Calling everyone – whether you are a parent or not, but especially parents who are in favour of LGBT+ inclusiveness – to fill out the public consultation on the government’s guidance for English schools on trans and gender-questioning kids (deadline: Tuesday 12 March).
It’s about school policy towards children who want to socially transition via having a different name, pronouns, uniform etc.
The implementation of this guidance will affect how teachers support gender-diverse kids and what is said in the classroom about LGBT+ people and issues.
The concerns are that implementing this guidance will encourage bullying, make trans kids feel unsafe at school and hold gender-questioning kids back from being themselves.
Yes, as the government says, this is “a highly sensitive, complex issue”.
As parents, whether we know and love gender-diverse kids or whether we’re a supportive ally, let’s add our voices to the strength of feeling from people in favour of an LGBT+ inclusive world.
It’s a historic moment – because how LGBT+ kids are treated at school and beyond will affect not only them but all children!
Because if LGBT+ children feel free to express themselves, all of our kids will grow up appreciating difference.
And being exposed to diversity is positive – it’s horizon expanding!
🌈 Meanwhile to honour murdered trans teenager Brianna Ghey and the work of her now-activist mother Esther go to the Brianna Ghey: Peace in Mind fundraiser page
And try talking to your child about their thoughts or experiences of LGBT+ people and issues. You could start by watching the Outspoken video LGBT+ Kids & Allies and/or read our blog post “Discover who your child is – that’s an adventure”: on LGBT+ kids and allies
Journalist Emily Bashforth, age 24, on actor Maisie Williams, age 26, starving herself to play Catherine Dior in TV drama The New Look…
“In the age of promoting body positivity and demolishing diet culture, I thought we were long past celebrities spouting publicly about their dramatic weight-loss methods.
But Maisie revealed to Harper’s Bazaar the shocking ways she became ‘emaciated’ by heavily restricting food intake.
I won’t divulge anything because it’s not needed – this grim story exists in many forms online and I refuse to add to the pile.
Why do actors still torture their bodies for our visual entertainment – and why do they publicise dangerous weight-loss methods without a sliver of consideration for the consequences?
I struggled with disordered eating at a very young age. My desires to restrict in early primary school snowballed into anorexia at age 12. It ruined my life.
I obsessively Googled weight-loss techniques, adopting bizarre methods on my quest for thinness and control.
Pro-anorexia Tumblr was my safe haven. I scrolled through the darkest, most disturbing content you can imagine while my family remained blissfully unaware. They assumed I was studying; I was revising how to conceal my starvation from them.
This is why it terrifies me to hear Maisie and others so freely discussing the extreme lengths they went to.It proves how normalised disordered eating has become.
Celebrities, albeit unknowingly, contribute to the toxic culture of treating weight loss as an accomplishment.
People with an eating disorder will fixate on A-listers’ bodies and the treacherous paths they ventured down.
With awareness of eating disorders comes a repackaged version of diet culture in which celebrities and influencers need to be creative to promote their ghastly weight-loss schemes to avoid criticism. TikTok is a fine example with concepts like ‘girl dinner’, ‘legging legs’, undereye bags, a scrawny Tim Burton character ‘look’.
Note to stars: ‘Be on your own journey. Just don’t force your damaging weight-loss techniques onto us. We didn’t ask’”
WORDS Maisie Williams is the latest celebrity to join an incredibly damaging trend (Metro, 7/2/24)
“Boys & men from generation Z [ages 12 to 27] are more likely than older baby boomers to believe that feminism has done more harm than good, according to a poll of over 3,600 people.
• One in 4 UK men aged 16-29 believe it is harder to be a man than a woman
• 16% of gen Z males feel #feminism has done more harm than good (13% of over-60s)
• 37% of men aged 16-29 find ‘toxic masculinity’ an unhelpful term – roughly double the number of young women
‘This is a new generational pattern,’ said Prof Bobby Duffy, Policy Institute director. ‘Normally younger generations are more comfortable with emerging social norms since they grew up with them as a natural part of their lives.’
Prof Rosie Campbell, director of the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s, said: ‘This group is the first to derive most of its information from social media.
There’s been a zeitgeist where young women feel they can own the idea of feminist identity.
Young men hear a lot about girl power but don’t yet understand the inequalities we know are in the world when you hit work and childcare.’
• A fifth of those who have heard of influencer Andrew Tate look favourably on him
Tate, who talked about hitting and choking women, says he is ‘absolutely a misogynist’.
Ethnic minority men are most likely to follow Tate – more than a third say he ‘raises important points about real threats to male identity and gender roles’ vs 12% of white men.
Tate preaches that young men should take control of their lives, shouting in a recent video of him vaping, firing a gun and driving a sports car: ‘You’re not supposed to be happy. You’re supposed to be monumentally influential and capable.’
Colin, a London youth worker, explained: ‘Young men from disadvantaged communities hear a lot of talk around policies to tackle inequality and racial discrimination. That’s abstract. People don’t feel the difference.
Tate talks about immediacy and that’s what people find attractive. He says: “This is how to be a man. This is how to get rich.”
He offers an alternative to the slow process of political change’”
WORDS Gen Z boys and men more likely than baby boomers to believe feminism harmful, says poll (Guardian, 1/2/24)
EXTRA CREDIT I’m Andrew Tate’s audience and I know why he appeals to young men (Guardian, 6/1/24)
Happy Safer Internet Day! The theme: “Inspiring change? Making a difference, managing influence & navigating change online”
The UK Safer Internet Centre has tips and quizzes for young people plus tips for parents, such as… start a Family Agreement about tech use, talk about the internet, keep up to date with sites and games your child enjoys, do online things with your child so they learn how to behave online and what to do if they’re worried or upset about something they see, model how to be safe online and demonstrate good tech habits yourself
• Tell kids aged 7-11: Have fun online, play, chat and learn things, and if you find something you love, share it with friends and family. If something worries or upsets you, tell a trusted adult and they can help block or report it. Before you post, consider how your actions and words can make others feel. Look at a range of sources, websites, videos and apps to get a balanced view and hear different opinions so you learn more and form your own ideas
• Tell kids aged 11-14: When you post or comment, think about the impact on others. Challenge yourself to make someone happier today: leave a kind comment, share a funny post, like a friend’s video. When something isn’t right or something unkind happens, be an upstander: stand up for others, offer support or
report hateful content. There’s a wide range of voices, influencers and information online, but take a balanced approach to interacting with content so you can form your own opinions and understand the facts. Do your own research and use multiple sources. Games updates, new content and breaking news can be overwhelming, so talk to friends, family or a trusted adult to help you manage your emotions
• Tell kids aged 14-18: Online you can educate yourself, inspire others to make a difference (eg on climate change, fast fashion, equality etc) and hear different perspectives. Create awareness posts, sign petitions, research charities. Your ideas and voice matter! Make informed choices about who to interact with. Unfollow, mute or block accounts if they make you uncomfortable. If you feel under pressure, talk with friends, family or an adult you trust
Director Nicole Newnham on her acclaimed documentary
The Disappearance Of Shere Hite…
“It’s not unusual to see celebrities or fictional heroines discuss the joys of clitoral stimulation. Cara Delevingne in Planet Sex. Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Fleabag. Emma Stone in Poor Things.
In the early 70s, though, such diddling was frowned upon. A 1976 book by sexologist Shere Hite, The Hite Report, revolutionised how we think about female pleasure. Still the 30th bestselling book of all time, it transformed millions of lives. A new film asks: why isn’t Hite a household name?
Hite decided more research was needed about the female orgasm. She devised and sent out an idiosyncratic 58-question survey to which over 3,000 American women anonymously responded. Most said they found it easier to climax by masturbating than by having conventional intercourse. They shared their views on cunnilingus, vibrators and fake orgasms, exploring their fears and fantasies in a way that still feels provocative and incredibly moving.
When Hite did a photo shoot wearing see-through tops it was, says director Nicole Newnham, playful and ‘punk’ of Hite to celebrate her body by posing semi-nude: ‘It’s radical that these
stunning photos were taken in Shere’s mid-50s. She harnessed these kinds of images, which usually show young women as the object, and appropriated them for herself.
As a little girl, Shere had feelings that she was made to feel guilty about. Those feelings were, of course, natural’”
WORDS “Shere Hite revolutionalised female pleasure – so why did the world forget about her?” (Independent, 12/1/24)
IMAGE Iris Brosch
MORE FROM NEWNHAM
• “At 12 Newnham found The Hite Report hidden in her mum’s bedside table: ‘I wasn’t growing up in an incredibly open environment around sexuality – it was more like: “Here is how things work” and not how people felt or their real experiences, because women didn’t talk about it.
Her research changed my life. I understood at an early age that there’s a diversity of human experiences around sexuality. Whereas mainstream culture pushes a very narrow description of sex.
My two sons tell me how misogyny prevails in this generation. Thankfully there is also awareness’”
• “Many women still don’t know enough about their body and women’s pleasure is often not centred in our modern definitions of sex. So Shere’s mission to ‘undefine’ sex is still incredibly relevant.
We still don’t feel comfortable talking about sex! Our own edit team had to get comfortable saying words like clitoris. Sometimes when I say clitoris in Q&As, I hear gasps in the audience.
Developing an ease and comfort talking about sex is like having a weight lifted off your shoulders. I hope the film inspires much-needed conversation!
Hours after the British Home Office, in December 2023, announced plans to crack down on spiking – putting drugs into someone’s drink or directly into their body without their knowledge – home secretary James Cleverly, age 54, told guests at a Downing Street reception that “a little bit of Rohypnol in her drink every night” is “not really illegal if it’s only a little bit”.
He also laughed that the secret to a long marriage is making sure your spouse is “always mildly sedated so she can never realise there are better men out there”.
He later said: “I’m sorry because it clearly caused hurt; it’s potentially distracted from the work we were doing to tackle spiking to help predominantly women who are the victims of spiking and I regret that…
I made a joke. It was an awful joke, but I apologised immediately.”
[A few days later the prime minister declared matter closed.]
REACTIONS INCLUDE…
• “‘It was a joke’ is the most tired excuse in the book and no one is buying it.
Tackling spiking, and violence against women and girls [VAWG], requires a full cultural change. The ‘banter’ needs to stop” – shadow minister for domestic violence and safeguarding Alex Davies-Jones
• “We have a home secretary who thinks sexual assault is funny. Women’s safety is no joke and a government serious about tackling VAWG should have a zero-tolerance approach to misogyny” – Anna Birley, Reclaim These Streets
• “That he felt these comments were appropriate to make, even in the spirit of jest, in such a public and official capacity really reflects how seriously rape culture still has a grip on our society.
The comments could be upsetting, triggering and retraumatising for anyone who’s experienced drug rape, drugging or sexual violence – which is very many people” – Katie Russell, CEO of Support After Rape and Sexual Violence Leeds
• “It’s sickening that the senior minister in charge of keeping women safe thinks that something as terrifying as drugging women is
a laughing matter.
‘Banter’ is the excuse under which misogyny is allowed to thrive” – Fawcett Society CEO Jemima Olchawski
WORDS Cleverly admits “awful” joke could have distracted from work to tackle spiking (Guardian, 2/1/24)