ON YOUNG PEOPLE & CHOKING DURING SEX “More than 2 in 5 sexually active under-18s in the UK have been strangled or strangled someone during sex despite the serious dangers of the practice.
Choking has become normalised in young people’s sexual habits, the Institute For Addressing Strangulation (Ifas) study shows, with 43% of sexually active 16- and 17-year-olds having experienced it – as have more than 50% of under-35s, nearly a third of whom wrongly believe there are safe ways to strangle someone.
There’s a crisis of distress among those on the receiving end: 36% felt scared during choking and 21% suffering dangerous physical symptoms, ie dizziness and loss of consciousness.
There is a consent gap, with more perpetrators believing their partner had consented in advance than those who experienced it, with 1% saying they had explicitly not agreed to it the last time it happened.
Both genders were fairly equal in being on the receiving end (47% men, 52% women). Of those who strangled someone, 5% have done it more than 50 times.
Choking is part of a dangerous drift towards increased violence in mainstream porn, which is the biggest source of information about it.
Porn featuring strangulation and suffocation will be outlawed in the UK this year, with a legal requirement placed on tech platforms to prevent users from seeing such material.
Law professor Clare McGlynn, author of Exposed: The Rise Of Extreme Porn And How We Fight Back, says of porn: ‘Depictions of strangulation and suffocation are brutal and graphic, often involving belts tied around necks, plastic bags over women’s heads and 2 hands gripping the neck.’
She calls for a campaign to raise awareness of the risks and harms that can occur even if there is no visible injury.
More than a fifth of survey respondents suffered physical effects, including pain in the neck, dizziness and coughing. One in 50 lost consciousness and the same number experienced bladder incontinence during or after choking (1 in 100 lost bowel control). Most did not get medical help because they were unaware of how serious the problems could be.
Numerous studies have shown brain changes in women who have been repeatedly choked during sex, including markers for brain damage and disruptions in brain hemispheres linked to depression and anxiety.
47% of respondents experienced anxiety during or after being strangled.
Prof Cath White says: ‘Respondents often link strangulation during sex to “enhanced orgasms” or “pleasure”, but that sensation may be the result of brain cells being deprived of oxygen – and once the cells die they cannot regenerate. The truth is that strangulation – especially repeated strangulation – increases the risk of nerve damage, damage to the brain, stroke and even death. What might feel like a fleeting moment can have consequences that last a lifetime.’
Only 38% of respondents did it because they enjoyed it, the most common reason being a partner’s enjoyment (46%). Sexual partners were the greatest source of encouragement.
Report author Harriet Smailes said it should ‘raise questions around influences and feelings of choice in practising strangulation during sex. Many people still believe strangulation to be a “normal” part of sex, worry about what their partner or friends will say if they don’t engage in it, are strangled without prior agreement and are physically or psychologically harmed during the practice’”
WORDS Nearly half of sexually active young people in UK have experienced strangulation, study shows (Guardian, 18/11/25)
ON GIRLS AND TALKING ABOUT SEX & PLEASURE
“To write Girls & Sex, author Peggy Orenstein, age 63, met a generation of young women focused on their partner’s pleasure and out of touch with their own. One reason is that the way we talk to girls about sex is almost exclusively focused on safety. Our focus on consent, coupled with our culture’s discomfort in talking openly about sex and intimacy, sends girls the message that the best-case scenario for when you become sexually active is not getting hurt.
Orenstein says: ‘When girls have a sense of what feels good to them, when they’re given positive sex ed that includes pleasure-based sexuality and refusal skills, their rates of sexual assault in college drop 30-50%. Girls become aware [of the potential for sexual assault] faster when they know what feels good to them.’
A lot of sexual assault begins with low-level pressure that builds: ‘Why don’t you want to?’ ‘Don’t you like me?’ ‘I just want to get closer to you.’ Knowing what feels good and that your comfort and pleasure are the most important things can be protective in those moments. Instead of thinking: ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad’ or ‘They seem to really want this’, a girl is more likely to realise: ‘I don’t want this – it doesn’t feel good’ and walk out earlier. ‘While it’s not up to girls not to be assaulted,’ says Orenstein, ‘we want them to have every tool at their disposal.’
So teach your girl – from a very young age – that one of her body’s main jobs is to give her information about what feels good and what doesn’t. Our nerve endings feel sensations that can make us feel safe, comforted, excited and can alert us to things that don’t feel good.
• Ask: ‘Is the sun on your skin tingly? What things make your body feel good: a warm bath, pyjama? Which people feel good to spend time with?’ Also: ‘What doesn’t feel good? Does your body ever not feel good around certain people? How does it let you know?’
Encourage your girl to seek out experiences that feel good to her body and make it clear they’re entitled to that enjoyment as well as the message to trust your gut when something doesn’t feel good.
• Talk about masturbation in an age-appropriate way. Genitals have nerve endings that make them feel good to touch. Some kids discover this and explore masturbation very early, others much later, some never. Talking openly supports girls who are already doing it and who may feel confused or shameful about it, and helps those who have yet to discover it know that they can learn what makes them feel good.
If you find your young girl touching herself, you can say: ‘Seems like you are enjoying touching your vulva and your clitoris. Isn’t it great that you can make yourself feel good? The best place to do it is in your bedroom when you have privacy, because your private parts are for you.’ If she hasn’t discovered masturbation, find a good book (eg It’s Perfectly Normal)
• Let her know that sex is supposed to feel good. Share sex-positive points: ‘Sex is a healthy, enjoyable part of life when you get older’, ‘People have sex because it feels good to their grown-up bodies’, ‘People agree to have sex, because they want to share the experience’, ‘Sex is a way for older people who care about and trust each other to be close emotionally and physically’, ‘If a person with a vagina has sex with a person with a penis, they can become pregnant’, ‘There are many ways to have sex, but the only kind of sex where a baby can be made is if a penis goes into a vagina’, ‘Babies can be made in other ways besides sex’
Orenstein says: ‘We need to constantly reinforce for girls – when they’re young and still enjoying their body – what’s joyful and positive about that body. We take that away from them systematically: by the time they’re teenagers they no longer know how to feed themselves, what feels good in terms of clothing or what will feel good… with a partner.’
If we can help girls trust their body to give them the information and feedback to enjoy, nourish, take care of and protect them, we can raise a generation of girls who know that their body is for them – to care for, experience and share only if they want to”
WORDS We Need To Let Girls Know Their Bodies Are Meant To Feel Good (Scary Mommy, 14/10/25)
“On the show EastEnders over the last few weeks, TEEN CHARACTER JOEL WAS PULLED INTO THE MANOSPHERE. After being brainwashed by misogynistic ideology coming from online figures like Andrew Tate, Joel viciously attacked his stepmum.
Josh Sargent, age 15, was influenced by Tate and manosphere ideology at age 12. He’s speaking out about how to put a stop to toxic masculinity spreading among his peers: ‘Boys as young as 12 and 13 are being told that to have success in relationships, you have to be a strong, rich, attractive, masculine man and fit into this tight box of what masculinity is.’
Like Joel on the soap, Sargent was influenced by videos that came up in his social media algorithm by Tate, who promotes the belief that society is biased against men due to feminism’s influence: ‘The first thing that changes is your attitude towards traditional institutions – you’re being taught that the education system is a scam to feed you into a race race that funds the ambition of the elite. It makes you feel quite powerful.’
As seen on EastEnders, boys’ attitudes towards relationships and women also changes when under the influence of these misogynistic figures. “There’s a rule that’s commonly propagated called the 80-20 rule – that 80% of women are attracted to the top 20% of men. It’s complete BS but it’s so commonly pushed out,” Sargent says.
After 2 years Sargent began to question the ideology when he realised that influencers weren’t helping boys succeed, despite showing off their flashy cars and jewellery.
He says of the Netflix show Adolescence: ‘Shows like that are the reason I’m able to have these conversations. But it’s easy to take the wrong message: they often depict violent, misogynistic acts through teen boys. If it’s taken as: “This is how content is impacting young boys and we should be open and honest to prevent it from getting to that point”, that’s a good takeaway. But a lot of what I see online is: boys are dangerous.
We shouldn’t focus on stigmatising boys but on having open, honest conversations.’
Sargent suggests that parents talk with their child if they spot the warning signs: growing distrust in the education system and subtle misogynistic comments. But tread carefully: ‘If parents rush into the situation thinking: “Warning sign: extremism”, it’s easy for boys to go into fight-or-flight response and get confrontational. That can push them towards the influencer.
The most impact comes from parents bringing up Andrew Tate and having a non-judgmental conversation at the dinner table.
Once parents try and understand the way boys are thinking and the deeper-level worries about society and themselves, their insecurities – that’s where the most impact comes from.
Be open-minded. Consume media on the manosphere with the perspective that boys aren’t the enemy and we’re working with, not against them’”
WORDS “I was brainwashed by Andrew Tate at 12 like EastEnders’ Joel – here’s what parents need to do” (Daily Mirror, 10/10/25)
ON BOYS, PARENTS AND THE MANOSPHERE
“On East Enders a teen character, Joel, is caught up in the manosphere – a collection of blogs, influencers and forums advocating the idea that men are superior to women and women should be subordinated to them.
The documentary EastEnders Investigates: The Manosphere looks at Roxy, age 22, who experienced online misogyny at 13. An older boy asked her to send him nude pictures, saying if she didn’t, he’d tell everyone she was frigid. ‘I was trying to persuade myself that sending a photo could be empowering,’ she says.
The photos were spread around school; Roxy was punished for breaking the tech code of conduct.
Josh Sargent, age 15, says manosphere content appeared on his feed when he was 12: ‘You think: “This is just banter”, but you find yourself reinforcing those ideas.’
University of York professor Harriet Over, who studies the manosphere, says a lot of the content and language is about creating the idea that women are ‘the villains’ and can be blamed for anything boys find difficult.
The manosphere targets boys at a vulnerable stage, when they start to think about dating. They feel they can blame feelings of rejection or humiliation on women.
Most boys don’t search for this content – they come across it looking for things like gaming, fitness or self-help.
Roxy’s mum says: ‘Rox got coerced and blackmailed. She was vulnerable at 13 in her room with her phone, wanting to belong.’
She says kids need to know that when things go wrong in the online world parents ‘are there for them’…
PARENT TIPS
• Be kind to yourself and your child – this content is designed to be addictive
• When your child says they’ve seen something online, explain it’s not their fault an help them understand it in context
• Do a weekly content review: talk about 3 things your child saw online how that made them feel
• Think about your social media habits – if you ban tech from the dinner table & bedroom, should that apply to you too?
• Encourage your child away from groups like WhatsApp class chats and posting anonymously
• Help your child understand how algorithms work, what an echo chamber is and how to spot disinformation”
WORDS EastEnders Investigates: Helping you understand the manosphere (BBC Bitesize, 10/25)
ON BOYS, SELF-ESTEEM, MASCULINITY AND LIFE ONLINE
“Boys In The Digital Wild: Online Culture, Identity, And Well-Being – the new Common Sense Media report – says nearly 75% of boys aged 11-17 regularly encounter masculinity-related online material that can include messages about making money, relationships, building muscle and fighting.
Over two-thirds of boys regularly see material promoting problematic gender roles. While most boys have healthy self-esteem, those exposed to a high volume of masculinity-related posts struggle more with self-esteem and are more likely to feel lonely, suppress their emotions and avoid vulnerability.
Nearly half of boys believe they must follow ‘unwritten rules’ like not crying or showing fear to avoid being teased or picked on.
‘A lot of self-discovery happens online,’ says Common Sense Media founder and CEO James P Steyer. ‘Boys see a lot of posts about building wealth, muscle, dating, relationships, fighting and weapons, with much material reinforcing outdated gender stereotypes. But parental support remains vital for their self-esteem and development.’
The report finds…
• 91% of boys encounter body image messages online, with 75% of boys exposed to content about being muscular. Nearly 1 in 4 say social media makes them feel they should change the way they look
• Adolescent boys live and connect online: 94% use social media or play online games daily. For more than half, digital platforms and gaming make them feel they belong
• 73% of boys are regularly exposed to content with messages and stereotypes about what it means to “be a man”
• 70% of boys observe bullying or harassment in gaming and more than half hear racist, homophobic or misogynistic language
• Algorithms, not user intent, are the primary driver of boys’ exposure to posts about masculinity. For 68% of boys this content showed up in their feed without them searching for it
• Influencers are significant sources of guidance and emotional support: 60% of boys find them inspirational and 56% get practical advice from them
• Real-world relationships are crucial for boys’ mental health and self-esteem despite the outsized role of online experiences in boys’ development
During difficult times, parents are boys’ first choice for support”
WORDS New Report Reveals How Online Experiences Inform Adolescent Boys’ Development (Common Sense Media, 8/10/25)
🩸 ON TALKING OPENLY WITH YOUR BOY ABOUT PERIODS
“In a viral TikTok with 8.8 million views, @queenn_gee teaches her young son about periods while they do the laundry. ‘Used this moment to remind & teach my son that menstrual blood is normal,’ reads the text on her video.
She shows him how to treat blood on clothing without disgust while emphasising care and compassion: ‘See this blood on here? I’m going to take this peroxide and pour some on there. It will bubble up, then wash it and it should wash out. You’re going to get older and you maybe have your own kids, or a woman, and I don’t ever want you to be like: “I’m not touching that.” Take care of it, use the peroxide and be there for them.’
The boy listens attentively, absorbing the lesson about empathy. Later she quizzes him on what to do if he sees someone with period blood on their pants. He answers thoughtfully, showing he’s internalising practical knowledge and emotional responsibility. The clip ends with a hug and
high-five.
The TikTok resonated with thousands of viewers, who flooded the comments with praise for the mum’s thoughtful parenting. Some highlighted her son’s attentiveness and emotional intelligence: ‘He is listening intently.’ Others celebrated the way she’s raising him: ‘Girl you are raising a MAN. You are so inspiring.’
These reactions show that empathy-focused parenting inspires other parents to reflect on how they model kindness and compassion. It doesn’t have to be a formal lesson – it can be woven into everyday life. Kids learn best through examples and conversations that connect to their daily experiences.
WHAT TO SAY
• To kids aged 3-6: ‘Sometimes bodies bleed and that’s normal. How could you help if someone needed a jacket or some privacy?’
• To kids aged 7-12: ‘If you see someone struggling, what’s the kindest way to respond? Let’s practise saying it out loud’
• Be inclusive: Include nonbinary or transgender peers in examples
Teaching boys care doesn’t require elaborate lessons – just intentional, calm and consistent modelling. Every hug, every high-five, every simple conversation lays the groundwork for a more empathetic generation”
WORDS Mom teaches son about periods – and the internet’s calling it a parenting masterclass (Motherly, 10/10/25)
🌈 HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE
“Now more than ever, trans people are becoming a scapegoat for President Trump and are one of the most vulnerable groups in the US and worldwide.
An effective way to support the LGBT+ community is to educate ourselves and those around us about trans identities and experiences to counter misinformation and fearmongering. As parents, it’s imperative to teach our kids about the existence and beauty of trans lives and talk to them about the harm being done by those in power.
Many people don’t know how to approach the topic because they themselves don’t know a whole lot about trans people. Recently the rapper Snoop Dogg felt uncomfortable explaining how a character in an animation could have 2 mums to his grandson because: ‘I don’t have the answer.’ Allies must be prepared with answers.
• Don’t overcomplicate it. Explain that trans people are a normal part of everyday life. You don’t have to get into details like puberty blockers or gender-affirming surgery – just make your child aware that lots of different people exist and we should all be equal. Your discussions can deepen as they get older – and remember, kids understand more than we think. If they know about diversity early, prejudices can be prevented
• Use resources! Admitting you don’t know something is not shameful. Resources that cater to children’s education include Trevor Project and Ben Greene’s @Pseudo.bro parent guides. Watch shows and films and read books that deal with trans and queer themes to introduce representation naturally
• Talk to your child about what’s going on – gently. Don’t shy away from conversations about Trump but be conscious of not upsetting them too much. Remind them that trans rights are a human and dignity issue, not a public safety concern. Emphasise the dangers of mis- and disinformation (eg in speeches)
• Challenge your knowledge and biases. Know your prejudices to avoid passing them on. Talking about transness shouldn’t be taboo, but if you bring it up in an awkward or stressful way, that will be picked up on. Don’t frame trans people as victims only: they’re people first and more than the struggles they face
• If you have a trans child, listen to them. If your child has come out to you, that is a huge gift and a sign that you’re doing the right thing: they feel comfortable enough with you to share who they are. Listen to what they are telling you and support them in their feelings about anti-trans attitudes from Trump and beyond. It’s normal to feel intimidated or scared, but organisations and resources can help you adjust and continue to care for your child. Connect them to resources too, and taking note of what they say makes them feel affirmed and celebrated
• Stay positive! Tell kids that governments move slowly. Activist groups and communities are fighting transphobic and homophobic policies
There is no way that trans voices will be drowned out by loud lies proclaimed from the Oval Office. Talking about the impact positive forward thinking can have on children, Ben Greene noted: ‘Grounding ourselves and them in joy not only has significant protective effects for mental health or pride and identity development, it will help them build resilience in a very challenging four years. We cannot build a home in fear and anger when we lead with joy and talk about not what are we running away from all the time, but what are we moving towards? What are the things we are fighting for?’
Janson Wu of Trevor Project says: ‘I can’t control everything in the world that my child lives in, but I can control what is said in our home. It’s important for parents to create security and safety while also being honest, in appropriate ways, about what’s happening in the world around them.’
Community resistance is a powerful form of rebellion. And activism starts at home”
WORDS How to talk to children about Trump’s anti-trans crusade (GCN, 3/10/25)
ON DADS NEEDING TO TALK MORE OPENLY WITH KIDS
“Of 1,900 parents surveyed for the Beyond The Talk report from La Trobe University, 32% of mothers initiated conversations about sex vs 24% of dads.
‘Mums worry their boy isn’t getting the quality conversations they have with their girl,’ says Jennifer Power, deputy director of the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society. ‘Are boys missing out?’
Youth advocate Daniel Principe – who gives consent, sex and relationships education workshops boys and young men – says kids look to the internet to fill in their information gaps: ‘Online content, group chats, memes, porn – this is obviously acting as default sex and relationships education. It happens well before we know they’ve had their first kiss.’
Conversations with parents need to start up to 4 years earlier, he says. While many young men want to do the right thing in relationships, ‘conflicting messages and harmful ideas are muddying the waters’.
Power’s report found 70.5% of parents are somewhat to extremely worried that social media exposes their child to inappropriate sexual content; 1 in 4 are very or extremely worried about their child accessing porn occasionally.
Principe says online content is ‘hijacking’ the natural development of boys’ sexuality: ‘Male influencers give them limited and often harmful ideas. This is a massive invitation for all of us to step in.’Power encourages parents to use online parenting resources to educate themselves about how to have these important conversations. Her report found the most common barriers to discussions were child discomfort or refusal to engage, followed by parental discomfort and fear of saying the wrong thing.
Parents are most confident talking about body image, sexual safety and puberty but less confident on masturbation and pleasure.
1 in 5 worry their child will learn about sex before they’re ready.
Talk to kids under 5 about body parts, boundaries and safety, Power says. Trust yourself to provide the right information for their needs: ‘Some concepts kids don’t need to know about, won’t understand or won’t want to engage with.
A lot of young people really want open, honest, unfiltered conversations about sex and relationships, ideally with parents.’
When Carmen and Hamish Lahiff-Jenkins decided it was time to have sex and relationship chats with their 2 sons, Hamish said: ‘She would just drag me in and I would sit there, stunned, and say: “Listen to your mother.”’
Carmen had to navigate tricky topics: ‘I didn’t know about wet dreams… But it needs to be part of the primary conversation that sex is fun, funny, silly, weird, awkward and that’s kind of the joy of it. Push that awkwardness aside, educate yourself, let go of your own ego. Also understand there’s going to be pushback.’
Hamish says being comfortable being uncomfortable’ is key.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
• Practise having conversations with friends. Say awkward words aloud
• Talk in the car and use podcasts or other materials to start off
• Ask your child their opinion on a topic like porn or consent and go from there
• Tune into your child – parents underestimate how much their kid knows about sex
• Read resources like Talk Soon, Talk Often by the WA health department”
WORDS Dads leaving sex education to mums, report finds, with concerns young boys are missing out (ABC, 14/9/25)
“Parents play an important role in TEACHING THEIR CHILD ABOUT SEX & RELATIONSHIPS. But our report Beyond ‘The Talk’ shows that many (dads in particular) find it mortifying.
Parents are more confident talking about body image (45%) and puberty (38%) and least confident on masturbation (12%) or sexual satisfaction (13%). Mums start discussions about sex (32.3% vs 23.9% of dads).
The most common barriers are kids feeling uncomfortable or refusing to engage. Parents fear they’ll say the wrong thing and don’t how to start the conversation.
But if a teen knows their parents are up for non-judgemental discussions they’ll be more likely to share what’s happening in their life, ask questions and seek help.
PARENT TIPS FOR TALKING ABOUT SEX
1 ‘The sex talk’ is not one conversation. Open the door to ongoing, age-appropriate dialogue about bodies and the basics of reproduction (even with kids under 5) and puberty when your child is young. Starting now makes it easier to continue for years. But it’s never too late
2 Find everyday opportunities to ask questions: TV, movies, radio and the news mention sex and relationships all the time, so ask your teen what
they know or think. Show interest in your teenager’s opinion and ask questions about how this portrayal fits with their or their friends’ experiences. The conversation doesn’t need to lead to a specific message or outcome. The purpose is to talk and listen.
3 Try not to lead with what not to do. Telling a young person not to have sex or watch porn is unlikely to stop them and may shut down future conversation. Many young people are sexually active from around ages 15-17. Support them to think critically about what they need to stay safe. Let them know you can help with things such as finding a good doctor if they need advice on contraception or sexual health care
4 Tell your teen stories about your first relationship or kiss or an embarrassing date. Showing vulnerability may open dialogue
5 Own your embarrassment. It is hard to talk about intimate or embarrassing topics. For some people even saying the word masturbation is uncomfortable, let alone speaking with children or teenagers about it. Keep it light and laugh at your awkwardness to break the ice for both you and your teenager
6 Most of us don’t have a lot of experience talking intimately about sex or relationships. Do some reading on a sex-ed topic then practise talking with a partner or friend to get more comfortable
Teaching young people about consent relies on valuing pleasure. If they can articulate what they like and want, they’ll be in a stronger position to assert what they do NOT want.
Parents are often told they need to be sex positive when talking to teenagers about sex. This doesn’t mean avoiding talking about risks and responsibilities. Rather, it means holding the perspective that, in the right circumstances, sex can be a safe, enjoyable and positive part of a young person’s life.
Sex ed is about supporting young people to have safe and enjoyable sex when they’re ready (talking about sex won’t encourage them to have sex before they’re ready). Parents play a key role in delivering this message”
WORDS 6 ways to talk to your teens about sex without the cringe (The Conversation, 14/9/25)
ON PARENTS’ MISTAKES IN TALKING ABOUT SEX
“When talking to your child about sex, one mistake is starting too late, say Birds & Bees founders Megan Michelson and Mary Flo Ridley.
‘Be the expert for your child,’ says Michelson. ‘So they don’t seek advice from other sources.’
Having ‘the talk’ can feel overwhelming and parents don’t want to mess it up. But avoiding the conversation might make it more uncomfortable and potentially dangerous in the end.
‘You don’t have to tell children everything at once,’ says Ridley. ‘You shouldn’t!’
‘The Talk is outdated,’ adds Michelson.
They recommend the Drip, Drip, Drip method: ‘If you turn the tap on, water rolls off a sponge. But drips get absorbed.’
Bite-sized, age-appropriate conversations can happen any time and anywhere: walking, driving or while you’re working on a puzzle.
Start slowly: teach toddlers the anatomically correct names for body parts and set boundaries for which parts shouldn’t be touched. You’ll be laying a foundation for their education and giving them tools to protect themselves.
As they grow, introduce them to a factual but abbreviated version of the birth story: ‘Wow them with the birth story and establish a pattern of communication with your child asking curious questions and you providing accurate answers.’
‘Use a calm, matter-of-fact tone,’ says Ridley.
If you aren’t prepared for a question or want to provide more context, reopen the discussion another time: ‘We love a circle-back moment. It encourages kids to circle back to you with questions or comments.’
What if your child hasn’t asked you about reproduction? They likely have questions but have trouble vocalising them: ‘Ask if there’s anything they’re wondering about or if they’ve been curious about how babies get outside their mum’s body.’
If your child isn’t asking you, they might be asking their friends. Initiating conversation is sometimes up to the parent.
The big question parents want to know is when to teach their child about sexual intercourse. Some kids are ready for that knowledge earlier than others.
The good news: if you’ve already opened a line of communication with your child, you’re not starting from square one and you’ve already established trust.
What if you haven’t opened the conversation with your child? Are you too late?
Michelson says: ‘Later is better than never!’”
WORDS The No. 1 Mistake Parents Make When Teaching Kids About Sex (Today Show, 15/9/25)
ON THE NEW PICTURE BOOK BODY BEAUTIFUL “Studies show that kids as young as 3 years old can have body image concerns. Author Susan Verde was an elementary school teacher who saw kids forming judgments about their body very early on, so she wrote a picture book. The opening line is: ‘Do you know your body is beautiful?’
Verde says: ‘Body image is something I have struggled with for a long time. As someone who writes children’s books, I think about supporting kids through their difficult emotions or negative self-talk.
Body image and your body is one of those areas. I felt: if I could get to kids earlier, maybe we could interrupt some of these concerns and thoughts they have at such a young age.
When my kids were 6 or 7 and were going to go swimming, I heard their female friend say: ‘I don’t really want to be in a bathing suit because, I don’t know, I have bumps and lumps and whatever.’ Which was jarring. Then my son said: ‘That means your body’s growing exactly as it should be.’ So there had to have been some conversation my kids picked up on and were sort of reflecting back.
When adults tell a child: ‘You should or should not’, that immediately shuts off something in the child, right? It’s just like: click – I don’t hear you anymore.
But books are such a wonderful way to share these messages without being super didactic and in a way that kids can see other kids like themselves and sort of take the story, opinion or information from someone their own age.
We want our children to feel great about themselves as they move through the world.
[The ending reads:] ‘The most beautiful thing about your body is and always will be that your body is you, and there is nothing more beautiful than that.’
We bring all these self-criticisms and things we hear, and we compare ourselves so much. No matter what your body looks like, no matter what you can or cannot do, the most important thing is that you are you and that’s beautiful, just like flowers in nature. Nobody is the same”
WORDS The author of Body Beautiful on teaching kids how to love their bodies (NPR, 20/9/25)
MORE FROM VERDE
• “The body autonomy piece of our book is important. Not only is your body beautiful and amazing – no matter your ability, colour, shape, size – but also, it’s yours! You get to decide what’s comfortable and what’s not”
ON WOMEN’S ABSENCE FROM HISTORY “Women have been erased from the writing of history,” says writer Kate Mosse, age 63. “For the study of history to mean anything – and we’re living through the disastrous consequences of history being misrepresented – it surely has to be the story of us all: men, women, everyone.
In terms of representation of women in the classroom I’ve been shocked – dispirited – by how little has changed since the 70s. There’s an idea that things are more equal, but the same problems remain. It’s as if none of the social equality movements of the 70s to the 00s happened.
The charity End Sexism In Schools has published a report showing that women are only the focus of 12% of history lessons; 59% feature no women at all. None.
The women who are taught are dominated by Elizabeth I, Mary I, Emmeline Pankhurst and Emily Davison (both early 20th century) – which gives the impression that, for most of recorded history, no other women contributed much. And of those schools teaching women’s suffrage, only 65% taught about women’s political campaigns before the 19th century.
In plans to improve representation in the curriculum released in March, there was no mention of gender balance.
Parents and young people want things to change. When I toured the UK in 2023 with my one-woman show Warrior Queens, bringing the lives of 20 extraordinary women to the stage, every night teachers, parents, grandparents and carers asked if I might write a history book for young people. They cited the lack of women in the curriculum. Feminist History For Every Day Of The Year is the response to that – a celebratory YA/crossover book to be dipped into, putting incredible women and girls, past and present, back into history.
Why does it matter? It’s not just a question of fairness and balance, of telling a complete story – it’s also a matter of common and social sense. If women are largely missing from the textbooks, how are girls supposed to feel that their endeavours are valued and they can achieve what men can?
The media is rightly full of the pressures on young boys, the toxicity of online conversations, the rampant misogyny and the pernicious influence of fake porn that dehumanises girls. If schools only teach boys to see the world from a male perspective, how are they supposed to feel empathy towards women and girls, or to respect their achievements? A counter-narrative is essential.
This absence of women in the curriculum is part of a broader picture. In the UK, only 17% of statues are of real – not mythical – women and when you take Queen Victoria out of things, the figure plummets! In Edinburgh there are more statues of animals than of women. Again, if we see only men honoured in our public spaces, the impression is that women’s achievements are not worth mentioning.
In the UK only 17% of statues are of real, not mythical, women. In Edinburgh there are more statues of animals than of women.
We can make a difference. Parents, students, carers: write to your school and raise the issue of fairer representation of women in the classroom. Write to your MP and to Prof Becky Francis asking for gender to be a consideration. We can celebrate schools that are working hard to include women, alongside great men, in their teaching of history.
Campaigns are already transforming the landscape: Dorset schoolgirl Evie Squire started a campaign to raise a statue to Victorian palaeontologist Mary Anning (unveiled in Lyme Regis in 2022). The statue of nursing pioneer Mary Seacole outside St Thomas’ Hospital in London is the result of years of work by the Mary Seacole Trust. And in 2018 the statue of Millicent Fawcett was the first of a woman unveiled in Parliament Square and the first statue by a woman. Fawcett is holding a banner with her famous rallying cry ‘Courage Calls to Courage Everywhere’, but just as important are the names of the 96 women and four men on the plinth who also played a key part in the suffrage movement.
This isn’t about taking wonderful men out of history but about putting women back where they belong. Let’s reflect that in our schools and public spaces. After all, women and men built the world together”
WORDS Girls just wanna be in our history textbooks (The Observer, 20/9/25)
ON WHY PARENTS WATCH TEEN DRAMAS “People in their 30s, 40s and 50s are talking about teen-centric dramas. Is it nostalgia or something deeper?
The Summer I Turned Pretty (main audience: 25- to 54-year-old women), Euphoria, Adolescence, Sex Education, Heartbreak High and Heartstopper are highly streamed on Netflix and other platforms. But why are women in their 30 to 50s choosing teen fanfic over media directed at them?
For parents, shows like Sex Education, Adolescence and Euphoria can be a lifeline to understand common parlance on real dangers.
Clinical psychologist Dr Malie Coyne says: ‘I recommend parents watch shows like Sex Education, Adolescence and Euphoria before their kids do or with them. It allows you to see the signs of the times, bring up difficult conversations or be aware of their realities.
Teen dramas revisit a time when our identity was being formed. We experienced important firsts; emotions were intense. Watching them is a safe way to revisit complex emotions without reliving them. Almost like gentle exposure therapy.’
Many of these shows – eg PEN15 – have caught on. Cliques, cattiness, body counts and frigidity punctuate its messaging, as do puberty, cruel jokes and bullying.
The genre’s mental proddings have resulted in a new categorisation: traumedy. An adult propensity for teen dramas reveals our cultural moment.
Psychotherapist Dr Richard Hogan says. ‘When the world feels harsh, we can look backwards to coming-of-age shows, which capture something about the human spirit. Teens are often seen to be in an intermission-type space, which allows us to project our ideas onto them.’
Relating to portrayals of the teen years lets us peek into what media scholars call the familiarity scale.
Coyne says: ‘Watching familiar favourites or shows that are relatively low stakes boosts our mood. Familiarity releases dopamine and oxytocin, which calm our nervous systems.
[Watching others make mistakes reminds us that turbulence is universal] That lands with people of all ages because we can often feel in a state of flux or like we’re in an identity crisis – something most teens feel.
Looking back on situations with our younger self– school, first relationships, first drink – allows us a bit of a clue as to who we were before life got complicated’”
WORDS Why are teen dramas such a hit with Millennials? (RTE, 19/9/25)
ON SEXUALISED CULTURE IN THE PAST “I remember how normalised the sexual exploitation of teenage girls and even tweens by adult men was,” says writer Rebecca Solnit, age 64, “how it showed up in movies, in the tales of rock stars and ‘baby groupies’, how normalised rape, exploitation, grooming, objectification, commodification was.
In Manhattan Woody Allen cast himself as more or less himself dating a high-school student played by Mariel Hemingway. She was my age, 17. I was only too familiar with creeps. The movie creeped me out, even though it was only long afterward that I read that she said he was at the time pressuring her to get sexually involved with him in real life.
Manhattan came out in 1979; two years earlier Roman Polanski, on the pretext of taking photos for Vogue, got a 13-year-old to come alone to a house, where he drugged and raped her vaginally and anally. His probation officer wrote: ‘Circumstances were provocative, there was some permissiveness by the mother’ and ‘the victim was not only physically mature, but willing’. In her own account, the girl had said no repeatedly and pretended to have an asthma attack to try to dissuade him, but the probation officer was of his era and only too willing to blame a drugged child. That was normal then.
Movies of the 1970s normalised all this. Jodie Foster was 12 when she played a prostitute in Taxi Driver. In Pretty Baby, an 11-year-old Brooke Shields played a prostitute whose virginity is auctioned off and who appears nude, as she did in a Playboy Magazine ‘sugar and spice’ issue at age 10. Groupie culture included kids sleeping with rock stars.
It was the 70s in which David Hamilton’s soft-focus photos of nude and semi-clad pubescent girls were normalised as coffee table books and posters. By the 90s, Jock Sturges’s photos of slender white girls shot in a nudist colony in the midst of puberty launched controversies.
Before what got called the sexual revolution, prudery and propriety regarded girls and young women as the property of fathers and future husbands, and not besmirching the purity that was part of their value was grounds for saying no. The sexual revolution removed this barrier. When I was a teen in the 70s the general idea was that sex was good and everyone should have it. I started getting hit on by counterculture dudes at 12 or 13, as did my female peers. We had to become escape artists.
It was still a misogynist culture; sex was still framed largely in terms of male needs.
The 2003 Jeffrey Epstein birthday album is a late relic of that culture, as is Donald Trump’s attitude toward women. He was often seen at Epstein’s events, packed with very young female models at a time when models were sent out to mingle with affluent men.
What happened between the 70s and the present is feminism: feminism that insisted that women were people endowed with rights, that sex, as distinct from rape, had to be something both parties desired, that consent had to be active and conscious, that all human interactions involve power and that the vast power differential between adult men and children meant that no such consent was possible.
Feminism exposed the ubiquity of child abuse, rape, sexual harassment and domestic violence and denormalised these abuses that were so much part of patriarchal society. And still are, far too much – but the dismissive, permissive attitude of the past is past, at least in mainstream culture”
WORDS Shocked by Epstein’s birthday book? That culture was everywhere before feminism (Guardian, 13/9/25)
ON TAKE UP SPACE, Y'ALL – A BODY-POSITIVE BOOK FOR TEENS
“The new young adult book Take Up Space, Y’All by supermodel TESS HOLLIDAY – creator of the viral body-positivity movement #EffYourBeautyStandards – has all the quizzes and confidence tips of a teen magazine but none of the subliminal body shaming. Her book deals with eating disorders, body image and imposter syndrome, and fact-checks wellness culture with experts. It calls out unrealistic expectations from the industry Holliday made her name in. Call it a teen magazine that’s been through therapy. She explains: ‘I was inspired by Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul.’
Holliday wanted the book to feel like something she’d needed when she was younger amd heavily bullied. As a mum of 2 boys, she worries how social media can exacerbate bullying and self-esteem issues.
Take Up Space, Y’All has tips for protecting mental health online and offline activities: ‘I just turned 40, so this book was a love letter to that part of myself that never felt good enough.’
What worries Holliday are trends that promote eating disorders and unrealistic body standards. Since the pandemic, social media and isolation have contributed to a big increase in young people’s eating disorders. Food, nutrition and weight content on TikTok can perpetuate toxic diet culture. SkinnyTok may be banned, but its
dangerous influence persists. Kim Kardashian’s Skims sells face-slimming wraps. We’re in an era of Ozempic weight-loss transformations, girl dinners and the return of ultra-thin body standards.
In 2021 Holliday was slammed by social media users who claimed that, because of her weight, she was faking being in recovery from atypical anorexia (which affects people who weigh in the ‘normal’ range or live in larger bodies).
In a world where teens may find themselves spiralling down rabbit holes of SkinnyTok posts, Holliday wants them to know it’s OK to ask for help and wants them to know HOW.
Her book includes mantras (‘I deserve to feed myself’; ‘I trust myself. I can take care of my body’) & what to do if you suspect a friend may suffer from disordered eating.
Holliday wants tweens & teens to trust themselves, not the labels or boxes others ascribe to them. When she was young, she struggled with how she felt about the word fat. It was often weaponised against her, but she became proud to use it: ‘It scared people. They’d be like: “No, you’re not fat!” I’d say: Yeah, I am fat but I’m also witty & beautiful’”
WORDS Forget “SkinnyTok.” This famous model has a bold guide for teens (USA Today, 26/8/25)
ON KIDS & PORN
The new Children’s Commissioner report “Sex Is Kind Of Broken Now”: Children And Pornography says that for young people “exposure to porn is both routine and damaging, reshaping attitudes to sex, relationships and self-image.
1) EARLIER EDUCATION IS NEEDED
70% of kids have seen porn (64% in 2023). The average age of exposure remains 13 but 27% saw it by age 11.
30% of girls and 25% of boys saw it while at primary school. Vulnerable children, including those with special educational needs or disability, are disproportionately likely to be exposed early.
The clear message for schools is that conversations about porn and healthy relationships cannot be delayed until mid-adolescence. Relationships & sex education (RSE) must address body image, consent and digital literacy before age 11
2) ACCIDENTAL EXPOSURE IS THE NORM
59% of kids saw porn by accident (38% in 2023). Eight of the top 10 sources are social media sites, with X cited more often than dedicated porn sites. Platforms popular with young kids (Snapchat 29%, TikTok 22% and YouTube 15%) feature heavily
3) PORN IS SHAPING HARMFUL ATTITUDES & UNDERMINING RESPECT
44% of kids agree that ‘girls may say no at first but then can be persuaded to have sex’. (Exposure to porn increases the likelihood of agreeing.)
There’s an urgent need for schools to confront the way porn distorts attitudes to consent and respect. RSE should dismantle myths of persuasion or coercion. Kids must understand that refusal is final and that porn is a dangerous, misleading guide to real relationships. This is not just safeguarding: it is prevention of behaviour that contributes to violence against women & girls (VAWG)
4) GIRLS BEAR THE BRUNT OF HARM – BUT BOYS FEEL TRAPPED
58% of those aged 18-21 had seen porn showing strangulation, 57% step-relations and 44% sex while asleep (ie rape). These depictions overwhelmingly feature women as recipients of aggression. As one girl put it: ‘The perception of sex is kind of broken now.’
52% of boys feel peer pressure to look at porn, to fit in with friends. It’s part of proving their masculinity to view and discuss it.
Many young people feel extreme sex acts in porn are a pressure for boys to act that way, thinking: ‘I’m expected to do that.’
RSE must make boys aware of these issues, tackle misogynistic stereotypes and free boys from harmful expectations
5) PORN WARPS SELF-ESTEEM & BODY IMAGE
82% of kids say porn affects expectations of sex and 75% say it affects body image (girls more than boys). Kids exposed before age 11 have lower self-esteem than those exposed later. Those who have seen self-generated sexual images also have lower self-esteem.
Schools should make space for honest conversations about body diversity, respect and emotional health.
CONCLUSION
RSE must engage kids early, address harmful myths head on and foster resilience in the face of online harms. Porn is not a peripheral issue but a central challenge for education”
82% of kids say porn affects expectations of sex and 75% say it affects body image. Kids exposed before age 11 have lower self-esteem
WORDS 5 ways porn is affecting young people in your school (Tes, 19/8/25)
About NUDIFYING APPS, Children’s Commissioner Dame Rachel de Souza says: “I am horrified that children are growing up in a world where anyone can take a photo of them and digitally remove their clothes. Where anyone can download the building blocks to develop an AI tool to create naked photos of real people.
This year I published research looking at apps that use generative artificial intelligence (GenAI) to create fake sexually explicit images through prompts from users. Nearly all deepfakes are pornographic and 99% feature girls or women – often because apps are trained to work on female bodies.
Over 4 years I’ve heard from a million children. Of all the worrying online trends they’ve spoken to me about – including seeing hardcore porn on X – the evolution of nudifying apps into tools that aid in the abuse and exploitation of kids is perhaps the most mind boggling.
A girl, age 16, asked me: ‘Do you know what the purpose of deepfake is? Because I don’t see any positives.’
Children, especially girls, are growing up fearing that a smartphone might be used to manipulate them. Girls tell me they’re taking steps to stay safe online the way we’ve come to expect in real life, like not walking home alone at night.
Nudifying apps should not be allowed to exist. It shouldn’t be possible for an app to generate a sexual image of a child.
The government has an admirable mission to halve violence against women & girls (VAWG). Harms to children online are not inevitable. We cannot claim it’s impossible to remove the risks from evolving technology.
In a survey, school leaders told me that online safety is among the most pressing issues facing kids. Leaders are most worried by kids’ access to screens outside school.
The challenge begins at home. We must not outsource parenting to our schools and teachers. As parents it can feel overwhelming to try and navigate the same tech as our kids. How do we enforce boundaries on things that move too quickly for us to follow?
But that’s exactly what children have told me they want from their parents: limitations, rules and protection from falling down a rabbit hole of scrolling.
A group of 16- to 21-year-olds said they were given a phone too young. They wish their parents had talked to them about the things they saw online – not as a one-off but regularly, openly and without stigma.
Even when it’s far outside their comfort zone, I want parents to feel empowered to make decisions, eg enforcing screentime limits, keeping phones out of bedrooms overnight and not giving their child a phone too young”
WORDS Nudifying apps are not “a bit of fun” – they are seriously harmful and their existence is a scandal writes Children’s Commissioner Rachel de Souza (Daily Mail, 2/8/25)
Activist & TEACH US CONSENT founder Chanel Contos, age 26, says parents can be a bulwark against the rising tide of ONLINE MISOGYNY, explaining: “Teach your child to ask: ‘Who is posting this content?
Do I trust them? Are they selling something? Could this message be harmful to anyone?’
If you’ve got a boy or young man in your life, chances are he has a manosphere influencer in his social media feed. Manosphere communities and spaces provide a step-by-step script for ‘how to be a man’ in a world where many boys feel lost or left out of the equality conversation. The term refers to a network of online communities that focuses on men’s issues – and attributes those issues to the waning of ‘traditional’ gender roles rooted in submission and control. Research shows that two-thirds of young men regularly engage with masculinity influencers.
Is there anything we can do, besides wringing our hands and panicking? Thankfully yes – and it starts with meeting our boys exactly where they are.
With classroom misogyny and sexual harassment we need to interrupt the behaviour before it escalates. It’s starting with the ‘small stuff’ (casual sexism, slurs, jokes) that harmful attitudes take root.
Help your child critically assess what they consume and future-proof trends. If you ban content, that will increase its allure.
Teen girls are fed content promoting disordered eating, self-harm and submissive gender roles. The ‘how to get a man to fall in love with you’ 90s advice is back disguised in videos promoting passivity.
Harmful content targeting boys often encourages them to harm others; for girls the harm is self-directed.
You can’t control what your child sees on a friend’s phone or at a sleepover. But you CAN build trust, model curiosity and reduce shame. Ask:
• ‘What comes up most in your Instagram or TikTok feed?’
• ‘Do you ever see content you wish you didn’t?’
• ‘What have you learned about relationships from the internet?’
Porn literacy is essential to these conversations. For tweens and younger teens, say things like:
• ‘You might come across something online that disturbs you. Talk to me or ask me questions – you’re not in trouble’
For older teens, try:
• ‘Porn often skips things that matter in real life, like consent and mutual enjoyment. It’s OK to be curious about sex but porn isn’t a reflection of reality’
Don’t ban Andrew Tate. Telling a teen something is off-limits makes it more appealing. Instead have a 2-way conversation where your child feels heard. Ask questions, stay calm and avoid shame or judgment. Ask:
• What do you like about his content?
• Do you agree with everything he says or just parts?
• Can someone offer useful advice about discipline or fitness while also saying things that are harmful?
There’s a good chance no one talked to you about sex, consent and power, so do some research and borrow language from experts and others.
These moments aren’t about having all the answers. They’re about curiosity, open communication and building trust”
WORDS How to Talk With Boys About the Manosphere and Online Misogyny (Oprah Daily, 5/8/25)
🩸ON FATHERS, SONS & PERIODS
“‘Find it uncomfortable to get your wife pads? That’s because your dad never normalised it with you,’ says a dad in the menstrual products aisle turning to his tween son.
‘We’re here getting pads for the wifey – right, buddy?’
‘Yep,’ the boy replies with an easy smile.
This TikTok has been viewed over 2 million times. What stands out most isn’t just the dad’s calm, straightforward words but the son’s unbothered ‘Yep’. That shows a boy learning early that menstruation isn’t strange or shameful.
This brief TikTok clip struck a powerful chord with viewers, sparking heartfelt conversation about the shame and secrecy around menstruation many experienced growing up.
For decades, conversations about periods have been shaped more by silence than by openness. It wasn’t until 2017 that a menstrual-product ad first used red liquid instead of the traditional blue in a demonstration.
Talking openly about menstruation with boys helps build empathy, equality and healthier relationships.
Research published in the Journal Of Adolescent Health found that early education about reproductive health can help dismantle stigma and reduce gender-based misconceptions. When boys understand what menstruation is they’re less likely to perpetuate teasing, shame or misinformation. This normalisation benefits everyone. Girls feel supported and seen. Boys gain a fuller understanding of the human body. And over time, silence and stigma can be replaced with openness and respect.
Normalising menstruation starts at home. Parents can shape how their child understands and talks about periods…
• Be open and matter-of-fact. Use clear language. Avoid euphemisms that can make periods feel secretive or embarrassing
• Include boys in errands. Take your son along when buying period products. Let them see it’s just a normal part of caring for family members
• Teach the basics early. Explain what menstruation is, why it happens and that it’s a healthy, natural process. Starting early removes mystery and stigma
• Address myths and misconceptions. Help kids understand the facts
• Keep the conversation ongoing. Don’t let this be a one-time talk. Regular conversations help kids grow comfortable with the topic
Parents can help break down stigma, build empathy and raise kids who see menstruation as a normal part of life, not something to hide or be ashamed of”
WORDS This Father-Son Duo In The Pad Aisle Is Breaking A Generations-Old Taboo (Mother.ly, 11/8/25)
ON BOYS & BOOKS
“This year’s Carnegie Medals for children’s writing show an unexpected trend. At a time of anxiety about the decline in boys’ reading habits and the rise of toxic influencers and the manosphere, male friendship and masculinity made the shortlist.
Panel chair Ros Harding says: ‘With children’s adventure books it was always the boy as the hero, then there was a backlash, making sure girls could be the heroes as well – which then maybe led to some boys feeling things weren’t being written for them.’ Now ‘another wave of books’ addresses that.
In Glasgow Boys Margaret McDonald explores a ‘spectrum of masculinity. Finlay is a more “feminine” man, empathetic and introverted, a gentle person. Banjo is a “masculine” boy: violent and aggressive.’
The decline in boys’ reading, she says, may have created a vicious circle in publishing: ‘It’s difficult in a business sense to cut out the bigger readership of girls and women.’
Harding's experience as a librarian is that boys read more narrowly than girls: ‘A girl will read anything with a male or female protagonist. Boys are just more resistant: they’re more likely to want the male protagonist.’
With Glasgow Boys, male readers ‘focus on Banjo and Finlay separately, while female readers focus on the relationships. It suggests a difference in the ways boys go into books.
’The hope is that they go into books at all. The explosion in toxic masculinity is taking place when reading for pleasure, especially among boys, is on the decline. Novels compete with social media and video games for the attention of boys and young men.
Nathanael Lessore says his book King Of Nothing was inspired in part by discovering ‘my nephew and cousin – 9 and 13 – watching Andrew Tate videos’. In schools kids self-segregate: boys on one side, girls on the other. ‘Gay’ is being used as an insult once more and boys have so little respect for female teachers that they have to call over male staff to settle them.
But on a school visit ‘even disruptive boys barge their way to the front of the queue to get their book signed,” says Lessore. ‘It’s a drop – one kid at a time’”
WORDS “One kid at a time”: How children’s books on male friendship could combat toxic masculinity (Guardian, 23/6/25)
ON ATTITUDES TOWARDS WOMEN BEING MUSCULAR
“The muscular arms of Indiana Fever basketball star Caitlin Clark, age 23, recently got people talking. A commentator wrote: ‘Okkkkk hello arms!’ with a flexed bicep emoji. Her team photo prompted side-by-side comparisons to her 2024 physique.
Clark has been bulking up: ‘I try to put on some weight and I’ve been working hard in the weight room.’ Cue body discourse that not everyone is comfortable with.
‘Speculating about women’s bodies and women athletes’ bodies isn’t new,’ says sociologist Michelle Manno. ‘What’s new is that it’s positive. People applaud Clark’s effort to get stronger and gain muscles.’
Commentators use words like ‘beautiful’, ‘jacked’, ‘ripped’ and ‘peak female athlete form’, with one writing: ‘Girl you show off those muscles. You worked hard on those.’
Mikala Jamison of the newsletter Body Type says: ‘This sense that any shade of muscularity on a woman isn’t desired by women has changed. More women strength-train.’
In a 2009 weightlifting survey, the majority of 2,000 women didn’t like the look of muscles on their body and figured men didn’t find it attractive either. They said they’d rather be ‘too thin than too fat or too muscular’.
Interest in lifting weights, eating protein and the benefits of building muscle has roots in talk of menopause and ageing. But the reaction to Clark indicates that positive messaging about stronger bodies is influencing younger women.
The focus on her muscles follows a shift in gears in how female athletes and their bodies are being discussed.
‘US rugby player Ilona Maher was on a digital Sports Illustrated cover – she’s not super-slender. She’s muscular,’ says Jamison.
Maher says: ‘I hope people see my photos and understand that strength can be so beautiful and so feminine.’
Jamison adds: ‘If you see more types, sizes and shapes of bodies, it gives you an understanding that there are many ways your body could look or that you want your body to look like.’
The beauty standard for women is a tight line to walk. Manno says: ‘Women athletes navigate this tension between wanting to be strong, do what they need to do to excel at their sport and still be accepted societally as looking quote-unquote appropriately feminine enough’”
WORDS Caitlin Clark’s biceps and the bigger conversation around women and muscles (Yahoo Life, 12/6/25)
ON MAKE IT MANDATORY FOR KIDS AGED 16-18 TO HAVE SEX ED
Sex-ed activist Faustine Petron, age 25, says: “‘People talk about teenage relationships like: ‘It’s just a silly fling.’ They minimise how serious it is to you.’
Domestic abuse is most commonly reported by those aged 16-19. That’s why for 4 years Petron has been the driving force behind Make It Mandatory, a campaign calling for relationships & sex education (RSE) to be compulsory for teens aged 16-18.
In June she went to Downing Street to deliver her petition, which has over 105,639 signatures and is backed by a cross-party group of MPs and 55 expert organisations, including the Sex Education Forum.
Petron says: ‘It’s very uncomfortable to imagine that people under 18 are going through things like sexual abuse and coercive control. But ignoring it won’t solve anything.’
At 16 Petron entered a long-term relationship that became abusive. She was never taught to recognise warning signs. When her boyfriend insisted on knowing where she was at all times, she thought: ‘“He cares about me.” It flattered me almost.’
Found guilty of stalking and harassing her, he was sent to prison. If Petron had received proper RSE, she believes she could have sought help earlier.
‘Education can give young people a language to describe what’s happening to them,’ she says. ‘If you know what abuse is, you can name it.’
RSE now includes guidance on healthy relationships, domestic abuse, coercive control and sexual violence – but not for teens aged 16-18, who should ‘be able to explore issues like porn, consent and the impacts of gender inequality,’ says Andrea Simon, director of the End Violence Against Women Coalition.
Violent misogyny is an acute problem in UK schools. The government says its violence against women & girls (VAWG) strategy will focus in part on ‘root causes of abuse, including underlying behaviours held by some men and boys’.
Petron says: ‘If we’re not educating young people – on how not to become a perpetrator of abuse, on how to respect each other, what healthy sexual practices are, where to get help – then this will be a constant issue in society’”
WORDS “I don’t want anyone to go through what I did”: meet the activist calling for mandatory domestic abuse education in schools (Stylist, 28/6/25)
ON MODELLING THINNESS
“An ad on the Marks & Spencer mobile app has been banned for featuring an ‘unhealthily thin’ model wearing a strapless top and slim-fit trousers.
After getting 4 complaints about whether the use of the image was socially irresponsible, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) deemed it ‘irresponsible’.
The ASA claimed the model's collarbones were very prominent, which was emphasised by her pose; the large pointed shoes emphasised the slenderness of her legs, and the camera angle made her head appear out of proportion with the rest of her body, highlighting her small frame.
The ASA said: ‘The pose of the model and choice of clothing meant the ad gave the impression that the model was unhealthily thin.’
M&S apologised and removed the image but said the model's pose was chosen to convey confidence and ease, not to accentuate her slimness.
In February an ad for Next was banned for being ‘irresponsible’ – the ASA found that in the ad the model's thigh appeared to be the same width as her lower leg. The ruling concluded that the camera angle, the styling and the model's pose emphasised the slimness of her legs.
So are we seeing the return of heroin chic? The term, popularised in the 1990s, glamourised people who were very thin, possibly with dark circles and pale skin – traits associated with heroin use. It was a term particularly aimed at thin models, among them Kate Moss, who dominated the runways.
It was common then for celebrities to talk about how little they ate – and mocking those who were overweight was common in the media.
The 2010s brought the body-positivity movement, which saw plus-size models walking major runways and clothing brands bringing out more size-inclusive collections.
But in recent years plus-size models have reported that their bookings are drying up, and runways are seeing less representation. Back in fashion are 90s trends like low-rise jeans & baby tees.
Some attribute the changes to the rise in popularity of weight-loss drugs, with the availability of injections bringing about a new trend of thinner bodies”
WORDS Marks & Spencer advert banned for featuring “unhealthily thin” model (ITV News, 23/7/25)
INFLUENCE OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE ON THE MINDS, EMOTIONS AND VULNERABILITIES OF OUR CHILDREN
“AI-powered chatbots, apps and ‘therapeutic companions’ are becoming emotionally significant to young people. Bots chat, listen and offer comfort and advice. Snapchat even has an integrated AI ‘friend’ for teens.
To a teen who feels isolated, anxious or misunderstood, these systems can feel like a friend, but behind the soothing tone and conversational flow there is no empathy, understanding or ethical judgment, just a machine trained to predict plausible responses based on data.
The American Psychological Association (APA) recently issued an advisory on artificial intelligence and adolescents and warns that many systems are underregulated. In testing, some offer advice that is dangerous, encouraging risky behaviour, self-harm or inappropriate views on sexuality or relationships.
Deepfake technology allows images, voices and videos to be created with astonishing realism. They can be used to bully, shame or humiliate teens.
Teens routinely turn to the internet to ask the big, awkward questions they may be too embarrassed to ask their parents – about sex, gender, relationships, body image, mental health. AI is answering those questions – but not always correctly, sensitively or safely.
For parents the temptation is to panic or try to block everything, but the APA’s message is one of engagement.
The key, as ever, is conversation – an ongoing dialogue that treats kids’ engagement with AI as something to explore together. Not the one-off lecture, but an ongoing dialogue that treats kids’ engagement with AI as something to explore together.
Parents need to ask what their child gets from their apps and tools. What questions do they ask? What answers do they get? What do they believe? Often kids are not sure how much to trust these tools and are relieved to have an adult help them think it through.
When AI systems get things wrong, parents can help kids verify information from multiple sources and analyse why a response was flawed and how AI models generate answers. This gives kids the skills to navigate a future in which AI will be part of their daily life.
Ultimately what protects kids most is not software or restrictions but connection. The more emotionally grounded a young person feels, the less likely they are to turn to AI for comfort, validation or guidance that should come from trusted adults”
WORDS AI is advising your child on sex, gender and body image, and you may not know it. Learn how to limit the dangers (Independent.ie, 3/7/25)
ON MISOGYNY IN SPORTS
“For years Spain’s women’s football team pushed back against its federation’s misogyny, misconduct and mistreatment. La Roja’s conflicts exploded into view after they won the 2023 World Cup – a triumph almost immediately overshadowed by football chief Luis Rubiales planting an unwanted kiss on the lips of player Jenni Hermoso.
The team then became a global symbol of women’s fight for equality on and off the field.
‘These players represent a before-and-after for all young girls who want to play football,’ says Joanna Pardos, director of the Netflix documentary It’s All Over: The Kiss That Changed Spanish Football.
Rubiales’s ‘terrible behaviour was the tip of an iceberg. It was disgusting, but the kiss helped expose the iceberg.’
Before the World Cup, 15 La Roja players faced public smears and belittling by some media after they refused to play for coach Jorge Vilda, complaining about his tactics, training methods and controlling management style.
One year later, as media around the world captured Rubiales’ refusal to resign and hitting out at the ‘scourge’ of ‘false feminism’, the spotlight was recast on the team’s struggle for equal pay, among other problems.
Player Alexia Putellas says: ‘Now we’re enjoying conditions that are at the top level of the men’s team. It’s taken a lot of effort and work by many people.’
In February Rubiales was convicted of sexual assault over the unsolicited kiss, ordered to pay over €10,000 in fines and barred from contacting Hermoso for a year. He denies any wrongdoing and his lawyer has said he will file an appeal with the supreme court.
La Roja’s push for equality gripped Spain, setting off a conversation that swiftly spilled into other spheres of society.
‘It was never about the kiss,’ said Prof Helena Legido-Quigley of Imperial College London. ‘It was much more about power, consent and the way institutions protect power for men.’
She called for women in academia and healthcare who identified with Hermoso to share their experiences. In five days over 200 stories poured in. It was a clear sign of how the squad’s struggle had tapped into a wider vein of discontent, one that Legido-Quigley said she hoped would pave the way for Spain to start tackling the structural problems that had long allowed this behaviour.
She hoped this wider vein of discontent would pave the way for Spain to tackle the structural problems that allowed this behaviour.
Instead the backlash began: ‘A new narrative emerged. It’s about discrediting feminism and making people doubt the seriousness of these issues.’
While the pushback has seemingly been smaller in Spain than in some other countries, she worries this reaction will hinder the search for solutions. The global scrutiny came after years of Spain positioning itself as a leader in women’s equality.
Mar Mas of Spain-based Association For Women In Professional Sports says Hermoso is being made to pay a personal price for speaking up: ‘Many women have spoken out against their federation and ended up sacrificing their athletic career. Despite all the laws on equality and protocols, women are still not fully protected when it comes to exercising their rights’”
WORDS “Everything is better”: how Rubiales’s unwanted kiss transformed Spanish women’s football (Guardian, 3/7/25)
ON A 70s CLASSIC: OUR BODIES, OURSELVES
“The birthing experience of co-author Norma Meras Swenson set her on the path to become a global advocate for women’s health, asserting that women, not doctors, were the experts on their bodies.
In 1958 her daughter Sarah was born. It was rare for women to have a natural birth let alone be fully conscious during labour – they were often put into a ‘twilight sleep’ by a cocktail of sedatives. Most residents in her delivery ward hadn’t seen a natural birth.
‘She was fully participating in her birth experience,’ Sarah says. ‘The other women in the ward were barely awake – non-participants in arguably the most important, life-changing experience a woman can have. And she thought: “Why are women being deprived of this?”’
Co-founder of the Our Bodies Ourselves nonprofit, Judy Norsigian says: ‘In Europe in 1977 I saw how she supported and inspired so many women beginning their journey as advocates and activists in the women’s health movements that were popping up everywhere. She was fiercely devoted to making a change in women’s lives. Until the end she was asking: “Why don’t women have bodily autonomy? We still don’t have control. Why?”’
A leader in reproductive and sexual health and rights and in maternal and child health, Swenson helped change laws and policies.
Nirvana Gonzalez Rosa says: ‘She marked our feminist history.’
An online memorial page contains notes paying homage to Swenson’s work: ‘She came to Newton South High to discuss Our Bodies, Ourselves! I freaked out my mom by locking myself in our bathroom looking at my private parts with a mirror (ha ha)! This legacy kept me sane and proud’”
WORDS Norma Meras Swenson, co-founder of Our Bodies Ourselves, dies at 93 (WBUR, 23/5/25)
AND…
• “Our Bodies, Ourselves, a book about women’s health and sexuality, proved revolutionary. It sold over 4 million copies globally and became available in 33 languages, and is considered one of the most influential books of the 20th century. Across its 9 editions, it addressed sexual health, sexual orientation, menstruation, motherhood, menopause, postnatal depression, abortion (still illegal in much of the US in the book’s early editions), violence and abuse, gender identity, birth control and desire.
Also radical was that it was written by women for women – it challenged the power and role of the medical profession, stating: ‘We as women are redefining competence. A doctor who behaves in a male chauvinist way is not competent, even if he has medical skills. We have decided that health can no longer be defined by an elite group of white, upper-middle-class men. It must be defined by us”
ON SESAME STREET’S ANNUAL PRIDE MONTH MESSAGE
🌈 On 1 June, the iconic kids’ show Sesame Street posted a Pride Month message that had over 23 million views & kicked off criticism from conservatives…
“Sesame Street faces significant online backlash after its post celebrating love, inclusivity and respect. It featured colourful puppet arms linked together, symbolising unity and support for the #LGBTQ+ community, with the caption: ‘On our street everyone is welcome. Together let’s build a world where every person and family feels loved and respected for who they are.’
The annual message saw conservative social-media users quickly flooding replies with accusations of ‘grooming’, calls to ‘leave the kids alone’ and questions like: ‘When is straight month?’
Many users defended the post, applauding Sesame Street for promoting empathy and diversity. Supporters noted that the show has long championed inclusion and acceptance with characters like Bert & Ernie and decades of inclusive messaging.
A user wrote: ‘Shoutout to Sesame Street for raising me to be empathetic and caring towards everyone.’
Others praised the show for remaining consistent in its values despite negative reactions.The controversy highlights the cultural divide over LGBT+ representation in kids’ media. Sesame Street remains firm in its stance but the polarised responses underscore how simple messages of kindness and inclusion can ignite heated public discourse.Sesame Street has not responded directly to the backlash but continues to stand by its message of welcoming all families and promoting love and respect for everyone”
🌈 WORDS Sesame Street faces backlash over Pride Month message (Express Tribune, 2/6/25)
AND…
Saying PBS (Public Broadcasting Service) and NPR (National Public Radio) are biased, President Trump blocked funding for Sesame Street. In May it struck a deal with Netflix
MORE ONLINE COMMENTS
• “Leave the kids alone. Sickening”
• “THIS IS GROOMING. THIS IS CRIMINAL. THIS IS PERVERSION”• “Why is a children’s TV program celebrating sexuality?”
• “My grandson won’t be watching you. I grew up with Sesame Street in the 70s, before it was woke. So sad you had to ruin a good thing”• “People are mad at Sesame Street for teaching kids to accept others?”
ON THE SKINNYTOK TREND
“TikTok is preventing users searching for #SkinnyTok – a hashtag which critics say directs people towards content which ‘idolises extreme thinness’, including videos showing people’s workout routines or what they eat in a day.
TikTok said it had ‘blocked search results for #SkinnyTok since it has become linked to unhealthy weight loss content’.
People using the hashtag will now be redirected to mental health support resources.
Tom Quinn, from eating-disorder charity Beat, says: ‘Users will very often find workarounds to content blocks and there will still be damaging content that isn’t shared under the “SkinnyTok” umbrella, which TikTok and other social media platforms must address.’
According to the US-based National Alliance for Eating Disorders, #SkinnyTok has over 500,000 posts associated with it. Content like low-calorie recipes appears on the face of it to promote healthy lifestyle advice but in reality ‘glorifies thinness and vilifies weight gain’ and ‘promotes disordered eating behaviours’.
The trend has caused alarm in France, where experts warn that social media can push vulnerable young people towards developing eating disorders.
Nutritionist Carole Copti said: ‘Patients are completely indoctrinated. My 45-minute weekly consultation is no match for spending hours every day on TikTok.’
TikTok says it reviews its safety measures to ‘address evolving risks. We restrict videos from teen accounts and provide health experts and information in TikTok Search.’
It is not the first time TikTok has been forced to take action over content which raised body-image concerns. In March it was forced to block ‘chubby filters’ – a viral tool that made people appear overweight”
WORDS TikTok blocks searches for extreme thinness “skinnytok” hashtag (BBC, 4/6/25)
AND…
• Eve Jones, age 23, who struggled with anorexia, says: “There is a self-damaging part of eating disorders where you try to access this [content]. It’s almost a compulsion to watch it. Once you interact with one post like that, your feed is flooded with it so quickly”
ON CONSENT, PORN AND SEXTING IN PRIMARY SCHOOLS
“Dominance and toxic masculinity campaigner and dad-of-2 Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard, age 58, says schoolkids as young as 11 ‘share graphic porn’ on WhatsApp. One teenage boy messaged a girl: ‘I think your mate is really rapeable.’
Bernie, who started speaking in schools after the murder of his sister, says misogyny among young boys has worsened, in part due to the manosphere and online radicalisation.
‘Schools are facing boys’ access to porn, which normalises violence and in a 300-member WhatsApp group, kids aged 11-12 ask each other for sexually explicit photos of other minors and share adult porn. A lot of kids were added without consent.’
The likes of Andrew Tate promote male dominance. That often manifests into abusive, controlling relationships between kids as young as 11: ‘Adulthood is slipping into childhood. Most parents don’t have a clue. They’re shellshocked when I tell them the research.
About 20% of boys and young men think Tate is a good influence. He’s the top of the misogynist iceberg. There are so many others shouting into microphones influencing young men and boys.
It is often very much based on controlling women, the idea that: “Feminism has gone too far” and “Men can’t say anything.” It promotes manufactured male victimhood and the ideology that men are oppressed because women have too many rights. Women are nowhere near even or on a level playing field with men. In my workshops I bring up a debate around stereotypes.
Young men see people like Tate and others on Instagram or TikTok who appear to have luxurious cars and lifestyles they want. They [go] for the idea that women are below them.
What boys are seeing is that it doesn’t matter how men treat or view other people. They believe they can be successful with those attitudes and conforming to what they believe to be a “strong man” and taking strength from putting women down.’
Bernie says misogyny is mainstream and boys conform to the idea that men need to be ‘angry and dominant’. High-school aged kids fall into controlling relationships ‘as a badge of honour. It’s feeding down that empathy is a weakness. A girl shouldn’t have a mind of her own or wear what she wants. It’s almost step-by-step coercive control. A lot of content around young men and boys is that they almost own their partner.
Of the 27% of kids aged 13-17 in a romantic relationship, about half experienced violence or controlling behaviour, says the Youth Endowment Fund. Young people don’t seem to think it’s a problem.’
Male students ‘refuse to listen to female teachers’.
We should, Bernie says, focus on male attitudes towards women and girls and have stricter online safety rules: ‘We need to talk about what it is to be a man and feminism. Let’s create spaces where boys can be vulnerable.
It starts with empathy. Talk to young people about being kind and respectful.
Parents need to get more involved in what kids are doing and enforce boundaries’”
WORDS A schoolboy called a girl “rapeable” and Year 7 boys are sharing graphic porn on WhatsApp – parents have no idea (Manchester Evening News, 11/5/25)
ON THE SHOW VIRGIN ISLAND MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE
“On the Channel 4 series Virgin Island, 12 adult virgins learn about intimacy. Some viewers called it ‘excruciating’, ‘awkward’ and ‘creepy’, but Dr Danielle Harel said: ‘People aren’t used to seeing intimacy in front of them.’
Sex expert Jaimee Bell of audio-erotica platform Bloom says: ‘The show has got us all hiding our blushes and talking about sex.
Open, honest conversations about sex and intimacy are desperately needed in a culture where online dating, social media and porn are dramatically changing our approach to relationships.
The show’s biggest flaw is in its name. “Virgin” is a loaded label that can produce unnecessary pressure and shame. Some participants are self-conscious about their sexual status and feel losing their virginity is a “goal” they urgently need to achieve.
We all experience sexual intimacy in different ways at different times. It’s time to broaden our vocabulary. Intimacy Island has a nice ring to it.
There’s a shock factor in sending self-proclaimed virgins to an island. Shows about sex and intimacy shouldn’t have to be sensationalised.
We can help people strengthen their relationship with intimacy without forcing them through a crash course to pop their proverbial cherry.
So many of us – whether we’ve been intimate with someone or not – struggle with various aspects of sex. But it’s often not something we feel able to talk about. It’s a lingering taboo.
We need to start feeling comfortable having uncomfortable conversations about sex – which Virgin Island encourages us to do, let go of shame and acknowledge our insecurities around sex.
Despite controversial tactics, the show’s central message is of destigmatising sexual desire. Being able to vocalise our desires and fears around intimacy can help us build stronger connections.
Virgin Island highlights societal pressures like social media, dating apps, romcoms and porn that can impact intimate relationships in ways we’re not even aware of. Feeling able to speak with friends or partners about this can have a big impact on our sexual and mental wellbeing’”
WORDS “Unnecessary pressure and shame”: Sex expert on Virgin Island’s “biggest flaw” and what the show gets right (Cosmopolitan, 19/5/25)
AND…
• A viewer wrote: “This was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever watched. I hope there’s a season 2”
• “Guys if you haven’t already, you actually have to watch Virgin Island. It’s the best thing I've ever watched but also the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s so conflicting morally but get me a season 2 immediately please?”
ON AN ACCOUNTANT LOSING HIS VIRGINITY ON VIRGIN ISLAND
“On the Channel 4 show Virgin Island, accountant Dave, age 24, hoped to build his confidence, learn how to be in a relationship and tackle intimacy issues. He was the only 1 of the 12 participants to lose his virginity during the show. All aged from 22 to 30, they overcame emotional hurdles to take their first step towards sex and intimacy.
Dave explored the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy with Kat Slade, a certified [sex] surrogate. He lost his virginity to her in the last episode. Dave ‘respected her greatly’ and had ‘some feelings for her’ that didn’t develop into anything deeper: ‘They made sure we knew not to have goals that you can end up feeling disappointed about not reaching. They explained that you don’t stay in touch – it’s 2 weeks, then you move on. It’s not easy to detach from feelings, but an important lesson is to have those feelings then let go of them.’
Some of the audio of Dave’s first time was broadcast to the world: ‘In my head, when I was going to lose my virginity it was going to be a really intimate moment between me and, like, a really lovely woman. Now it’s between me, a really lovely woman and all of Channel 4’s viewers. It’s strange. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.’
Therapy sessions, confidence-building activities, candid chats and some of the more intimate moments were broadcast.
Dave was ‘fine being recorded’ but found being filmed ‘a bit scary. But after one session, I kind of detached, moved on from the cameras and then was a lot more natural’”
WORDS I lost my virginity on Virgin Island – here’s why I don’t speak to my surrogate sex partner anymore (Daily Mail, 29/5/25)
AND…
• “Dave says, laughing: ‘I’m oozing testosterone now.’
He ‘screamed and threw his phone’ seeing himself talk about a vagina on TikTok but has no regrets about bonking on TV: ‘It’s quite nice having a unique story of losing my virginity. I think it’s funny. So many people have stories of their first time being atrocious. People put pressure on it to be perfect. It rarely is. It’s better to do it with someone who can let me know how to get better.
The first time with my now-girlfriend was amazing. It was about being ready for when you have more genuine feelings’”
ON PERSONAL AND SOCIETAL LESSONS FROM VIRGIN ISLAND
Writer Jamie Windust, age 28, says…
“Having sex the first time isn’t supposed to be good. But it SHOULD be.
I wish I’d learned how to have good sex the first time so my relationship with sex could have begun from a place of wholeness and gentle curiosity, not shame and desperation.
My first sexual experience at age 18 was bleak. The sexual landscape I was living in as a closeted queer person in a rural town in England wasn’t satiating my growing sexual appetite, rendering me in a state of famine that resulted in a frisson in the woods. It was far from romantic and didn’t teach me anything about my desires, nor another person’s.
The show’s 12 participants aren’t there to tick sex off their to-do list but to learn about their mental blocks and uncovering what’s preventing them from engaging in intimacy. Many find hugging intimidating or exposing. Surrogate-partner therapists help them explore going from hand-holding to sex while checking in and exploring what they feel in the heat of the moment.
The Virgin Islanders end up hot and bothered, fondling breasts and leaving with a euphoria that’s unexpectedly touching to witness.
We tend to think being a virgin in your late 20s is rare, but 1 in 8 people aged 26 were virgins in the UK in 2018.
The reasons the Virgin Islanders (aged 22-30) have never had sex are understandable to those of us who have. For women it’s social media, unrealistic beauty standards and people they see having sex online not looking like them. For men it’s that they must lead and initiate sex.
Sex shouldn’t be something you feel pressured into doing ‘because everyone else is’ or you’ve reached a certain age. Sex should be rooted in desire, connection and consent.
It’s still the norm to go into your first encounter with unrealistic ideas about what sex ‘should’ look like, or not know how to start conversations with people you find attractive, or fear intimacy because of sexual or emotional turbulence. Virgin Island aims to shift these norms (or at least spark conversation around them).
The fact that Virgin Island exists proves that UK sex ed needs to move on from just putting condoms on bananas. It should encourage frank, honest conversations about consent, porn, pleasure and the physical and mental challenges that can come with sexual intimacy.
Sex is as unique as the individual having it. There’s no one way to have sex. We have to learn what we like and don’t like. I hope audiences like me will use the show’s message as a catalyst to ask: ‘How do I have the sex I want to have?’”
WORDS Why we’d all benefit from a stay on Virgin Island, the new C4 show helping people to lose their virginity (Cosmopolitan, 12/5/25)
ON THE VIDEO OF A MUM TALKING WITH HER KID ABOUT PERIODS
In the bathroom, mum-of-2 Tiffany Remington, age 35, talks openly with her 3-year-old about periods, capturing their exchange in a brilliant Insta reel on @ustheremingtons…
“Her daughter confidently names the tampon but is unsure of what it does. Remington says it’s designed to catch blood in the vagina and soak it up ‘like a big diaper’. Some people prefer using pads, she says, especially if the tampon feels too full. Then she asks: ‘So are periods scary?’ Her daughter responds: ‘No.’
The approach is intentional, Remington explains: ‘In our house we use real anatomical language such as uterus, vagina, penis, testicle, labia and blood so our kids grow up understanding their body without shame and desexualise these body parts.
We keep it simple and matter of fact, and we invite questions. Sometimes they go: ‘OK!’ and move on. If they ask more, we follow their lead.’
Remington learned about periods in the fifth grade: ‘I had the bare minimum understanding. They didn’t go in depth or provide many visuals. I walked away with the bare-minimum understanding. It was never talked about in my home, so I remained pretty clueless.’
Her first period was a mix of excitement and embarrassment: ‘I was 12 and wearing a white skirt at school. A friend quietly pulled me aside and we went to the nurse’s office. The nurse gave me a pad and encouraged me to change into my PE shorts.
[My mom insisted on my using pads.] The majority of my teen years I was too terrified to try any other period product in fear of disobeying her and hurting my body.’
The reel, viewed over 305,000 times, was praised. Comments included: ‘My girls were prepared. We normalise all topics!’ and ‘Both my boys know about periods. It’s something everyone should know about.’
Science writer Elena Bridgers says: ‘It’s much better to have an open dialogue with your daughter about puberty and periods.’
From the online reaction, Remington says other parents are working hard to change the narrative for kids around menstruation: ‘This openness will help destigmatise sex ed and empower the next generation with better knowledge, body literacy and emotional understanding’”
Watch the reel here
WORDS Mom Praised for How She Speaks to 3-Year-Old Daughter About Periods: “Open” (Newsweek, 22/5/25)
ON BOYS DEALING WITH PERIODS
From the Guardian newspaper’s Kindness Of Strangers column…
“It wasn’t my first period but it was within the first year of getting my period. I was only 13 – and when you first start menstruating, you never know when your next period is going to arrive.
I was away on holiday with my family, playing in the hotel pool with some new friends I’d just met. There was a boy there I fancied.
At one point I hopped out of the pool and suddenly this lifeguard, who must have only been 15 or 16 himself, walked straight up, put a towel around me and said really quietly in my ear: ‘You need to go to the bathroom.’
I looked down and realised why: my period had started.
If he hadn’t done that, it probably would have destroyed my entire holiday. You can just imagine the humiliation of having met a group of cool teenagers you’re trying to impress and suddenly you’ve got blood running down your legs. This was the 1980s – they would have pointed at me and laughed!
I will always be grateful to that lifeguard. I’ve always wished I could go online and find this boy to thank him – or thank his mother more than anything, as she clearly taught him perfect manners.He somehow knew not to make a big deal of it and how not to embarrass me. It was just done so beautifully.
I now have two sons and I’ve always said to them: ‘If you ever see a stain on a girl’s dress, take off your jumper, put it around her waist, tell her she needs to go to the bathroom and never mention it again’”
WORDS When my period arrived, a lifeguard quietly put a towel around me (Guardian, 2/6/25)
🌈 ON THE SHOW QUEER AS FOLK
Guardian Saturday magazine editor Joe Stone says: “During my school years I was encouraged to believe that being gay was a serious medical handicap. This was during section 28, which outlawed the promotion of the ‘acceptability of homosexuality’ in UK schools and nearly half the population thought being gay was ‘always’ or ‘mostly’ wrong. ‘Gay’ was a descriptor deployed when no other slur was low enough.
Perhaps it’s inevitable that many men of my generation grew up with shame coating them like varnish. Unfortunately, there was never any hiding my gayness. It shone out of me like a tea-light in a lantern and the most I could hope to do was deflect (every queer kid knows the heart-stopping sensation that greets the question: ‘Can I ask you something?’). At age 11, it was hard not to see being gay as a life sentence. Like prison, it felt inherently terrifying and degrading.
Then Queer As Folk appeared on Channel 4. The very mundanity of the conceit (gay men going to work, having one-night stands, falling in and out of love) made it feel revolutionary. For the first time I saw gay people living gay lives rather than acting as plot devices or cautionary tales in straight people’s stories. They weren’t ostensibly glamorous (Vince worked in a supermarket) but existed on their own terms, which felt entirely exotic and thrilling.
It inspired controversy, with the Daily Mail claiming: ‘Any nation which allows this … is hell-bent on destruction.’ Journalist Peter Hitchens appeared on TV to bleat that it was propaganda aimed at persuading the public that ‘homosexuality was normal behaviour’.
The characters on Queer As Folk WEREN’T normal. They were better. For the first time I wondered if my own difference could also be a gift rather than a burden. Queer As Folk gave me the permission to feel fabulous – or at least fabulous in waiting.
I’m not the type of person to bang on about ‘queer joy’ – but Queer As Folk was joyful. As well as funny, sad, poignant and sexy. At the risk of playing into the hands of homophobes who believe that queerness is a proselytising institution, watching the show made me glad to be gay. I began to come out, first to myself and then out loud. I wasn’t scared anymore.
Queer As Folk felt like the promise of a brighter future. A flare sent up into the sky to let me know that my rescue was imminent”
WORDS My cultural awakening: Queer As Folk helped me to come out (Guardian 10/5/25)
ON THE SHOW BIG MOUTH
“The 4 creators of the puberty cartoon series – now ending after 8 seasons – knew the show would get emotional but they didn’t expect it to be educational. Jennifer Flackett assumed Big Mouth would discuss periods, but it was when they worked on the Season 1 episode Girls Are Horny Too that the potential for the animated comedy clicked.
‘That episode put something in focus for me: it was stuff I hadn’t talked about with my own daughter. In talking asking: ‘Do she and her friends masturbate?’ I realised: ‘This show is different for the way we talk about things.’
To prepare, the writers read Peggy Orenstein’s book Girls & Sex.
Andrew Goldberg is proud of the concept of the Shame Wizard; for Mark Levin it’s the head push (when a man pushes a woman to his crotch in the hopes of a blowjob), which emerged in an episode exploring consent; for comedian Nick Kroll, it’s Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: ‘It isn’t necessarily sex related but it’s related specifically to teens and also to everyone right now.’
The main message of the disturbingly funny and surprisingly informative show? ‘Communication,’ Flackett says. ‘It’s better to communicate and really listen.’
Kroll says: ‘There’s a back and forth about what’s comfortable, what are you showing and why. I’m often the most prudish.’
In the What Is It About Boobs? episode, 2 girls go with 1 of their mums to a Korean spa. Surrounded by nude women of all shapes and sizes, they slowly start to accept their own bodies.
‘There was this conversation: how much of these girls do we show?’ says Kroll. ‘We showed the boys topless but this is not a sexual moment.‘There was a certain double standard about boy nudity and girl nudity,’ Flackett adds.
The last episode, says Goldberg, is ‘about these kids whose adulthoods, futures and lives are just beginning. They’re going off into this scary place but they’re going together at least.’
The main characters are based on Kroll and Goldberg’s childhood friendship. Goldberg says: ‘If the 2 of us could see ourselves now when we were 12 years old, our heads would explode’”
WORDS Big Mouth Creators Break Down Finale’s “Scary” Void Twist, Their Proudest Moments After 8 Seasons (The Wrap, 24/5/25)
ON HELPING BOYS & YOUNG MEN
Social scientist RICHARD REEVES, age 55, dad of 3 sons & founder of the American Institute For Boys And Men and in the UK the Centre for Policy Research On Men And Boys…
“Andrew Tate is right – about some things. When the misogynist influencer says: ‘Young men feel very disaffected and invisible’ and ‘Men’s issues are largely overlooked’, he’s right. When he says: ‘The people in charge of the world are not really interested in men’s issues’, he’s not entirely wrong.
We appear to be on the brink of a moral panic over the state of our sons. The series Adolescence brought collective anxiety about boys and men up to fever pitch.
Concern about boys and men is appropriate. And overdue. But the debate is too focused on the trouble boys and men can cause rather than the trouble they’re in. We need to make Tate wrong.
Boys start school more than 3 months behind their female classmates. This gender gap persists as the years pass – one reason I argue for a later start date for boys, since they develop later. Girls easily outpace their male classmates at GCSEs and A-levels.
Meanwhile the share of male teachers has dropped below 1 in 4. If we don’t want our boys looking for role models in the recesses of the internet, maybe we should provide more of them at the front of the classroom. But the education system is not boy-friendly.
The problems of boys and men are real in our schools, the labour market, our families. They’ve been neglected by policymakers, academics and the media.
There are signs of progress. The UK government’s men’s health strategy sends a powerful signal to our boys and men: we’ve noticed your challenges and are working to address them.
Identifying the challenges of boys and men does not mean ignoring those facing girls and women, including a stubborn pay gap among older workers, the risk of violence and harassment, and underrepresentation of women in senior roles. Gender equality is not a zero-sum game. Helping boys and men doesn’t come at the expense of helping women and girls.
It is abundantly clear to most of us that a world of floundering men is unlikely to be one of flourishing women. Far from a battle of the sexes, what’s required is for men and women to support each other and to rise together”
WORDS Boys are in trouble – here’s how we start fixing them (The Observer, 9/5/25)
ON SHOWING GIRLS’ SEXUALITY ONSCREEN
Director Jillian Bell, age 41, who co-wrote & directed SUMMER OF 69 – which stars Chloe Fineman, age 36, as Santa Monica, a stripper hired by a teen to teach her about sex – says the comedy “contains valuable information for young women and it’s important to show that women have sexual desires.
Teen comedies like Fast Times At Ridgemont High and American Pie have been dominated by horny guys.
Bell says: ‘It’s refreshing to show that women have sexual feelings. They’re sexual beings.’
She adds: ‘It’s not as fun for the guy if he’s just getting off. For some selfish guys, it is. But they actually would love for you to enjoy yourself too – and that’s actually the best sex possible. If I was a young woman and heard that, it would be a total game changer.’
Relating to virginal gamer Abby (Sam Morelos, age 19), Bell contributed to the script by [trans femme] Jules Byrne and Liz Nico.
Abby wants to learn the sexual position 69 to impress the boy she has a crush on, so she offers to pay Monica $20,000 saved up from her video-game livestream.
Monica teaches Abby things Bell wishes she’d known as a teen – the basics of female adulthood: ‘My older sister Breanna is who I went to to ask any question I was scared to ask anyone else. You know: “Why is my body changing? Why do my armpits smell? What is a 69?”’
Paula Pell, who plays a stripper, provided the film’s requisite gratuitous nudity. Bell says: ‘She’s like: “Do you want to show my boobs? They’re great.” I was like: “That’s the coolest sentence I’ve ever heard. We’d love to show one”’”
WORDS Jillian Bell: Stripper comedy Summer of 69 shows women as “sexual beings” (UPI, 8/5/25)
MORE FROM BELL
• “We need more stories about young women openly talking about sex. I wish this movie had been around when I was younger – I would have watched it with my girlfriends on repeat.
It’s my love letter to my sister and all the mentors who help us feel less alone on our journey to becoming adults.
My sister was my go-to for sex-related, puberty-related subjects that make you feel like a weirdo”
• “I asked my sister every scary question about who I am as a sexual being. Like: ‘Are these thoughts normal?’”
• “Women’s rights are just gone. So it’s really nice to make something sexual and positive – [that] just feels empowering”
🌈 ON NORMALISING LGBT+ PARENTS IN A KIDS’ BOOK
Ex-teacher CHASTEN BUTTIGIEG – age 35 & dad of twins Penelope & Gus, age 3, with US politician Pete Buttigieg, 43 – has written the picture book Papa’s Coming Home “about a young family welcoming their dad home from a work trip”. Chasten says:
“I’d asked around for books that looked like our family – you read 15 books a night and it would be great if just one featured a family that looked like ours. We came up short.
This is a Father’s Day book. It’s just about 2 dads who love their kids. A modern American family. It was important to me that the lesson was just: a family loves each other. It wasn't punching you in the face with the morals. I hope other families will enjoy it and I hope it brings a lot of joy to bedtime.
I was on a plane and the idea came to me how excited I was to get home and how excited my kids might be. I just wanted a nice, sweet story that incorporates a message of unconditional love for your kid with some silly things in there they'll latch onto.
My kids helped me write it: I’d workshop it and see if they’d giggle or not.
[On being the focus of culture-war attacks, along with other LGBT+ parents] Right now I can shield our kids from the internet. And we try in our house to leave the discourse at the door. It doesn’t need to be at the dinner table or in the minivan on the way to school. We don’t need to be talking about negativity. Why does that need to be in our kitchen?
The best thing we can do for our community and family is live our lives authentically to show people who we are. We’re just like every other family. There’s probably applesauce stuck to our kitchen-table chairs just like yours.
[On books in the US being banned and taken to court] I think about what kids like ours might feel sitting in a classroom where someone says: ‘I don’t want to read that.’ I don’t want my kids exposed to that when it’s simply a book about 2 loving parents going about their day and loving their children unconditionally.
I understand what we’re up against as a community and a country. Not to be the guy hawking his book – but a great thing you can do is request books like this at your library and school.
It normalises families that look all kinds of ways. It represents who we are as Americans. There’s room for everybody at the table”
FROM Trump’s Trade War Hits Hollywood (Pod Save America podcast episode, 6/5/25)
Netflix show ADOLESCENCE co-creator & writer Jack Thorne, age 46
& dad to a son, age 8, says about parents wanting to protect their kids but feeling their kids are foreign to them…
“There’s loads of conversations we can’t understand – the emojis, which
I spent a long time talking to young people about; that level of sophistication in terms of how they talk. You can imagine the 1960s felt like that: one group of people talking this way and another group that way.
[The Adolescence main character] Jamie is a tragedy. If it takes a village to make a child, does it also take a village to destroy a child?
He’s not just a product of the manosphere or incel culture. There are parents that don’t see him, a school that can’t help him, friends that can’t reach him. There’s his own brain and brain chemistry and the way he responds to it.
The most interesting stuff I heard from young men was: ‘Don’t demonise the manosphere, because it has made us stronger, fitter, more attractive. And we can filter out the more manipulative, harmful stuff.’
Having a discussion among young people about a spectrum of masculinity and what a man should look like feels vital. Because that culture is trapping them into: ‘This is what I need to be.’
It’s really central, this idea of 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. A powerful idea. It gets inside what I felt as a teenager: ‘No one likes me, finds me attractive or wants to talk to me. How can I fit in this world?’
And if I’d heard: ‘There is a reason you feel this way – because the world is female dominated. Aesthetically you don’t belong in it until you learn how to make yourself stronger, better, more attractive’…
Boys I spoke to feel: ‘If I don’t have shoulders the size of Henry Cavill, then I failed in life.’
I don’t know if Jamie would have committed the crimes without consuming the manosphere or, equally, if his dad had hugged him 2 days before.
I lost a friend at university and my dad said: ‘I wish I could hug you.’ The problem of male touch is a story as old as time.
Jamie’s dad has a view of what a father should be – a provider, someone the kids can rely on – but doesn’t necessarily have the emotional input Jamie needs.
It’s the vulnerable that are attracted to [the manosphere]. Those who don’t feel they have any power or feel like they’re strong. And if you’re unsuccessful, any thoughts as to who you can blame for your lack of success are very, very powerful”
WORDS Why Adolescence Struck a Nerve (Bloomberg, 9/4/25)
Founder of EVERYONE’S INVITED, Soma Sara, age 26 – whose Primary Schools List named 1,664 (ie 1 in 12) UK schools where kids aged 5-11 submitted anonymous testimonies of sexist name-calling, harassment, groping, upskirting, sending nudes, inappropriate touching and penetration and the majority of teachers confirmed that kids under 9 are watching porn and using misogynist, violent, sexist language in class and in the playground – says…
“Rape culture is being embedded among 7- to 11-year-olds. We need to age down – it’s too late by 13. Lessons must be age appropriate, but we need to start young.
Child sexual abuse is mainly child-on-child abuse. The internet transformed childhood and the sexual landscape. To protect kids, we must educate them.
If just one kid in the class has a phone, they all have access to a world of porn and violence.
[With preventive education and critical thinking] if kids stumble on horrors, they don’t immediately believe it or think degrading, abusive porn is normal. They need to question stuff that toxic so-called alpha-male influencers spout – dehumanising content about taming and belittling women. It’s addictive. It has transformed kids’ idea of intimacy and relationships.
Porn desensitises many kids before they reach 16. They know what they’re supposed to do to each other and they’re acting out an often violent sexual script rather than using their instincts. There’s no: ‘Let’s kiss each other and see where it goes’. How can you be in touch with your sexuality if you’re following rules you discovered at primary school on porn sites?
There’s a lot of ostracising. Girls are either sluts or vanilla. Young men want to be seen and appreciated, not viewed as the problem. Girls had centuries of not being encouraged; now boys feel the same.
Primary school girls have beauty regimes – they feel they have to be beautiful, thin, vacuous and hairless. Boys’ mental health is equally fragile. They’re being told the only way to win in life is by dominating, hitting, taming and oppressing women, not being emotional or vulnerable. Often they’re told boys are now the victims and underdogs. Boys need love and appreciation.
We need to wake up or these children won’t be able to create stable, happy relationships together as adults.
The most important thing I’d urge parents, teachers and grandparents to do is download apps – TikTok, Instagram – and look at YouTube, anything your child might be viewing, and try to understand their world. It’s no longer an option to say: ‘That’s not happening in our family’ – it probably is.
Dads need to stand up. The message is even more important coming from a man. A lot of the time in school boys won’t listen to a female facilitator.
We want to go across the UK talking about relationships, emotional literacy, consent, boundaries and personal space, interaction and respect.
We need to get to a place where schools teach kids to counter the violence, hate and misogynistic porn they see online – and where parents talk about sex.
I have an 8-year-old sister. I want to do this for the next generation”
WORDS Abuse claims and rape culture identified at 1,600 primary schools (Times, 21/3/25)
🌈 Online safety campaigner ESTHER GHEY, age 38, mum of trans teenager Brianna – who had thousands of TikTok followers but struggled with mental health, which was worsened by accessing eating-disorder and self-harm content on X, and who was murdered in 2023 by 2 schoolmates, one of whom was drawn to videos on the dark web of real killing and torture – on upcoming ITV film Brianna: A Mother’s Story…
“[I wanted to ensure that] my family’s story was told truthfully and people could get to know Brianna the way we did.
Brianna was genuinely addicted to social media. I understand the signs of addiction because I’ve been an addict. Teens are often glued to their tablet 8 hours a day. That’s not healthy.’
In the film Ghey talks about how the devastating loss of her ‘beautiful daughter’ drove Ghey to campaign on online safety and trolling. She supports a ban for under-16s on the ‘absolute cesspit’ of social media.
After she does interviews, Ghey can’t help but look at comments: ‘People try to tell me what gender my child was and really horrific comments too. I’ve reported so many comments and get the reply: “They haven’t done anything wrong” [so the comment can’t be taken down]. Our children have access to those comments.
No matter how much love and compassion you pump into your child when you’re bringing them up, how much empathy you can teach them, they will go online and see the way people speak about others and might think it’s right.
People are uploading misogyny, hate, misinformation – that’s just the tip of the iceberg.’
She is calling for a public inquiry into peer-on-peer violence, why it’s on the rise and what can be done to stop it. She also looks at whether social media makes kids harm themselves or others.
Ghey campaigns for an age limit on smartphone use, stricter controls on access to social media apps, tougher action on knife crime and for mindfulness to be taught in schools.
She says: ‘I don’t believe any social media company will put lives before profit.
We as consumers have the power. If we decide to keep our children off social media or give them a “brick” phone, we can vote with our money.’
Ghey hopes the film will ‘contribute to the push for our children’s welfare online and off’”
WORDS Brianna film was bid to get answers – Esther Ghey (BBC, 23/3/25)
EXTRA CREDIT: INFORMATIVE ABOUT ONLINE DANGERS BUT INCREDIBLY HEARTBREAKING TO READ… \
• Esther Ghey: I lost Brianna twice – first, to her phone, then to her murderers (the iPaper, 3/3/25)
ON CONTRADICTIONS IN DISNEY’S REMAKE OF SNOW WHITE
“With Disney’s Snow White remake, it seems as if some of the producers wanted to make an old-fashioned tribute to a feudal fairy tale and others to make a revisionist, Marxist call-to-arms.
Snow White (Rachel Zegler), named after a blizzard, lived in a kingdom where ‘the bounty of the land belonged to all who tended it’. This has to be the closest a Disney princess film has got to paraphrasing the Communist Manifesto.
When Snow White’s mother dies, the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot) exploits her subjects’ fears to nab the realm’s riches for herself. Now this becomes one of the year’s most bluntly political films.
Snow White’s love interest (Andrew Burnap) is the Robin Hood-like leader of a gang of thieves. After he tells her to ‘stop thinking and start doing’, she sings Waiting On A Wish, about taking action rather than hoping things will change for the better. They develop a sparky Princess Leia/Han Solo dynamic as they duet on the catchy song Princess Problems.
Once Snow White flees her homicidal stepmother, her story turns into a robotic recreation of the 1937 cartoon. The forest looks like a Disneyland ride, Zegler like a theme-park employee and the CGI dwarfs like creepy animatronic puppets, photorealistic digital avatars.
Then it switches back into a revolutionary drama. The film’s split-personality problems don’t go away: half of it is set in a grimy, gloomy land where Snow White wants to foment a peasants’ revolt and restore a socialist utopia, half of it in a chirpy, brightly coloured fantasy realm of benign, beautiful aristocrats. There are self-empowerment anthems and jaunty 1937 ditties.
In some ways the identity crisis makes it worth seeing. But this muddled production will be enjoyed more by politics and cinema students than by kids hoping to be enchanted by Disney magic”
WORDS Disney’s Snow White has a major “identity crisis” (BBC, 19/3/25)
AND…
• “The concept of the Evil Queen being threatened by a younger and ‘fairer’ woman is far from woke. Snow White doesn’t dream of being a leader – she dreams of finding her father, who will save the kingdom. She still requires saving by a man and succumbs to the charms of a man.
• “It is impossible to make a woke movie when the central plot is so reductive to women”
ON CONTROVERSIES OVER DISNEY’S LIVE-ACTION SNOW WHITE REMAKE
“Snow White, Disney’s live-action remake, has seemed like a poisoned apple. Its world premiere had no red-carpet media so as to prevent stars Rachel Zegler, age 23, and Gal Gadot, 39, from answering questions. Since 2021 the studio has confronted criticism and backlash revolving around culture wars and whether it’s positive to be classified as woke.
Complaints about Zegler, who is of Colombian descent, being cast as the princess with ‘skin as white as snow’ echoed those Halle Bailey faced for playing The Little Mermaid, with some fans outraged at Disney’s push for more culturally representative storytelling. Ironically its narratives are often criticised for pushing old-fashioned ideals.
Then dwarf actor Peter Dinklage said Disney was making a ‘backwards story about 7 dwarfs living in a cave’.
Saying it had consulted ‘with members of the dwarfism community to avoid reinforcing stereotypes’, Disney used CGI to create the characters.
In 2021 Zegler called the 1937 film dated and weird, with the prince a ‘guy who literally stalks Snow White’. Now she ‘won’t be dreaming about true love’ but ‘about becoming the leader she knows she can be and the leader her father told her she could be if she was fearless, fair, brave and true’.
Disney’s fan base is famously highly invested and protective; TikTokkers said: ‘Criticising Disney princesses is not feminist’; the online tradwife community took it as a personal insult that Snow White would dream of something other than being a wife and mother and because falling in love was no longer her priority.
Zegler carefully worded her next response: ‘What an honour to be a part of something people feel so passionately about. We’re not always going to agree with everyone who surrounds us.’
Pro-Palestinian activists had called for a boycott of the film over the casting of Israeli actor Gadot; others criticised her playing a villain, the Evil Queen. Meanwhile Zegler posted on X: ‘Free Palestine.’ She was also forced to apologise after declaring she hoped Trump supporters would ‘never know peace’.
So Snow White has been a lightning rod for some major issues”
WORDS Why Disney’s “enchanting” Snow White remake is really being seen as a poisoned apple (Metro, 15/3/25)
ON WHY YOUNG PEOPLE MAKE DEEPFAKES “Good news about deepfake nudes (typically created by young people using free or cheap ‘nudify’ apps): teens understand that using AI to generate nonconsensual nudes is not OK, says Melissa Stroebel, head of research for a Thorn survey of 1,200 young people aged 13-20.
10% know a victim, suggesting that ‘it is happening in almost every school system’ in the US and likely ‘every town has had at least one person targeted’ – and 84% ‘overwhelmingly recognise’ deepfake nudes as abuse.
Stroebel says: ‘It’s hopeful that kids have clarity on this’ – in a 2023 survey, many men didn’t think fake nudes were wrong.
Roberta Duffield of Blackbird.AI deepfake-detection tools says: ‘Deepfake nudes targeting kids (and adults) are one of the most insidious and wide-reaching harms of AI. For young people still forming their identity, the psychological, reputational and social consequences can be severe. Education campaigns are needed to help folks question content before sharing.’
30% of teens who create fake nudes share them with kids at school and 29% with online-only contacts.
Last year the New York Times declared that teens are confronting an ‘epidemic’ of fake nudes in middle and high schools.
Young people, as digital natives, are more likely to be early adopters of emerging technologies like nudify apps and to engage in riskier behaviour. Motivations for creating deepfake nudes include ‘sexual curiosity, pleasure seeking, revenge’ and peer pressure. For a boy aged 14 it was to strike back at a bully.
• ‘I just wanted to see what it would look like’ (boy, 15)
• ‘I was dared to’ (girl, 18)
• ‘I was horny and WASN’T thinking straight’ (boy, 18)
• ‘Everyone will see it, they’ll be embarrassed and it will never go away’ (boy, 13)
• ‘As soon as everyone knows it’s a deepfake, all feelings of panic and fear are gone. t’s not actually you, so there’s no pressure. It’s a little stressful, but it’s not actually their body’ (girl, 16)
• ‘You control what offends you. It’s wrong to make deepfake nudes, but ultimately it’s fake’ (boy, 13)
• ‘It dehumanises the person, as you use them for pleasure without consent’ (boy, 18)
Since nudify apps became more mainstream, the majority of victims have been female, but young men have been targeted, too
Young people may be too ashamed or traumatised to report their experience.
Teens are more likely to seek help on combating harms from fake nudes (76%) than on coping with other online sexual interactions (46%). Most use tools like blocking or reporting but 57% approach a parent, school authority, friends or police.
Kids, Stroebel says, want to know how to protect themselves and their friends”
WORDS “It’s not actually you”: Teens cope while adults debate harms of fake nudes (ArsTechnica, 3/3/25)
WAYS OF TALKING WITH BOYS & YOUNG MEN ABOUT IMAGES
Boys and young men are bombarded by images and content that shape their sense of themselves and others, says the charity Men At Work.
Here are some questions to ask boys and young men about the stunt pulled at the February 2025 Grammy Awards by a clothed Kanye West and his wife Bianca Censori, wearing an “invisible dress”…
o Would the images you’ve seen of this event make sense if the roles were reversed?
o What would we feel / think / say if the roles were reversed?
o What does the man being dressed and the woman being (basically) undressed mean?
o What does the man being dressed “anonymously” – in contrast to the (almost complete) visibility of the woman – mean?
o Are the sunglasses significant in terms of who can see / be seen? If so, in what ways?
o Do you imagine that the relationship is an equal one? If yes, what are the signs that it is? If no, what are the signs that it isn’t?
o Do we need to know more about the context of this event to “read” the image in a meaningful way?
o If we do know more about the context of the image – the people involved and some of their story – does this put this image into a wider “pattern”? If so, what is that?o What role do you think power and choice play in this image?o What role – if any – do you think power and choice should have in a healthy relationship?
o Where else in life do we see the imbalance of “Who does what” / “Who is represented in which ways” that the image shows?
Thanks to Men At Work CIC for this dialogue plan and its 12 Dialogue Themes of: 1) Respect, 2) The “Man Rules”, 3) Being safe, 4) Friends/mates/bros etc, 5) What does money mean, 6) People – not objects, 7) Control?, 8) Taking no for an answer, 9) Safe & safe to be around, 10) Respect & disrespect in relationships, 11) Help! and 12) Future me: who & how
ON PORN, CHOKING & YOUNG PEOPLE “The average age people first see porn is 13 – often by accident,” writes Baroness Gabby Bertin, age 46. “Much of it is violent. Video titles prominent on homepages include words like ‘attack’, ‘kidnap’, ‘force’, ‘violate’ and ‘destroy’. Strangling, aka ‘choking’, is so widespread in porn that young people report it as a mainstream sexual practice.
I am no Mary Whitehouse. I’m a Conservative. I believe in free speech. Consenting adults should be able to indulge their interests as long as those interests don’t harm others.
But abusive porn is harming people. A whole generation is learning how to have sex, and how to treat the opposite sex, from distorted and often disturbing depictions. Porn is often cited in relation to young people’s poor mental health, violence against women and girls (VAWG) and misogynistic attitudes.
In my year-long government review I was astounded by what I heard. The teacher who said boys aged 14 asked her how to ‘choke’ a girl during sex. The schoolboy awaiting arrest for sexual assault who couldn’t understand that he’d done anything wrong. The nurse treating sexual injuries every day.
Men and boys are victims of this culture too. It is a confusing world for our sons, who are taught to reject sexist attitudes while being shown something very different online. Porn depicting coercion, degradation
and penetration with harmful objects – effectively banned in the ‘offline’ world of cinemas and DVDs – is rife.I urge the government to ban legal but harmful porn that would be prohibited offline. I recommend that non-fatal strangulation is explicitly outlawed.There is no safe way to strangle someone – even a small amount of pressure to the neck can damage the brain. Just as the act of strangling is illegal, its depiction in porn should be too”
WORDS Teenage boys are asking teachers how to CHOKE girls during sex – this is why degrading porn MUST be banned, writes BARONESS BERTIN (DailyMail, 27/2/25)
MORE FROM BERTIN
• “I’m not saying people shouldn’t watch porn. I’m not a prude”
• Porn is “‘rewiring’ how young people think about gender, sex & their role in society. Boys are ‘taught to reject sexist attitudes while… porn shows them that anything goes’”
On BODY IMAGE in the film BRIDGET JONES: MAD ABOUT THE BOY, starring actor Renée Zellweger, age 55…
• “Bridget Jones suggested being an adult was NOT about morphing into an exhaustingly ‘perfect’ woman who’d stepped out of a catalogue: skeletally thin, immaculately dressed, poised, never pissed, loud or crass, always witty and well informed. You didn’t have to have your shit together in order to find a relationship, build a successful career and be a good daughter, friend or mother”
• “Gen Z loves ‘Bridge’ because she represents the opposite of the pressure on younger women in Instagram culture to have a perfect body even though she was so obsessed by her weight that she kept a diary of calories consumed and thought being 130lb was fat. I hated that about Bridget probably because that aspect of her was realistic.
The 90s were hardcore for body shaming and weight regulation. There was zero body positivity. It was ‘be thin or go home’. The new film has thankfully jettisoned the fat-person-deserves-to-be-shamed theme, presumably because it’s verboten to admit that women still bend themselves into idealised shapes to be ornamental. The only difference is that now you don’t have to be a cadaver”
• “Some women celebrate Bridget’s candour about calorie-, work- and romance-related anxieties; others find those obsessions anti-feminist. There’s no male equivalent who expresses men’s anxieties and aspirations”
• “The passionate drunk-girl-next-door everydayness of Bridget is a spirit reflected, in the first 2 films, in the slightly slovenly doughy-cuddly perfection of Zellweger’s face”
• Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding: “There’s a big audience with Gen Z. My daughter’s friends are relating to her because the world has got harder for them with social media and they’re still worrying about their body but also feeling guilty because of body positivity for worrying about it”
• Renée Zellweger: “I went to a party at a supermodel friend’s house. She’s the 6ft-tall, lanky, long-hair, just zenith-prototype beauty standard for my generation. A girl, about 11, said to me: ‘Oh my gosh – you don’t have to have big boobs and a big round behind to be gorgeous.’ Her idea of the beauty standard was the complete opposite to what was sort of imposed on my generation”
“I wasn’t taking care of myself in my 30s. I didn’t make great choices all the time”
“I don’t think that Bridget is not fit. She’s got nice things in nice places that don’t occur on me without extra effort”
On some SEX & RELATIONSHIPS themes in the film BRIDGET JONES: MAD ABOUT THE BOY, starring actor Renée Zellweger, age 55…
“Zellweger first piled on the pounds and adopted an English accent 24 years ago. Since then Bridget Jones has stumbled through romantic disappointments, full-blown passion, pregnancy and widowhood, dragging with her a generation of female fans who appreciate the funny side of growing old disgracefully. Mysteriously Jones seems to be surrounded by the same friends who all believe she needs a jolly good shagging.
Jones insists that she is now completely asexual. But she jumps on Tinder and purchases an unseemly amount of condoms.
Zellweger’s affair with 27-year-old Leo Woodall doesn’t entirely ring true. Much fun is made of his wet-shirt moment, echoing Colin Firth’s turn in Pride And Prejudice.
There are a handful of chuckles (often at the expense of an intimate medical condition of Jones’s daughter Mabel, age 6, who is taught how to pronounce ‘syphilis’ by gynaecologist Emma Thompson)”
WORDS Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy (Film Review, 19/2/25)
AND MORE…
• A friend signs Jones up to Tinder as: “Tragic widow seeks sexual reawakening”
• “Over the years we’ve come to terms with the normalised sexual harassment and fat shaming in Bridget Jones books and movies, from bum-patting in the work lift and Hugh Grant’s Daniel Cleaver abusing his power as Bridget’s boss – and don’t get us started on the constant obsessing over her weight”
• “Jones has a red-hot summer fling with a man 20 years her junior. Here is a fiftysomething who, though she might have all the usual hangups about her body image and ageing, would never dream of letting them impact on her unadulterated enjoyment of sex”
• Renée Zellweger on Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding: “She was sort of pushing back and making fun of all the noise. It was a symptom of that moment where the media was just throwing out this image: here’s the paradigm for beauty and success you’re meant to conform to. Bridget subverts that notion”
“It’s an inevitability, isn’t it? Society evolves and so does the girl”
ON CHILD MARRIAGE “The star of a film about a schoolgirl forced to marry an older man is evangelical about her role – despite the fact that her Kenyan community might see it as a betrayal and treat her as an outcast.
The film highlights how accepted child marriage is despite being against the law.
Michelle Lemuya Ikeny, age 15, said: ‘I want the film to spark conversation. It’s not something people want to talk about.’
She plays Nawi, 13, in this coming-of-age film set in rural Turkana, where 1 in 4 girls are married before 18.
Ikeny says: ‘So many of my friends had to leave school or never went to school because someone paid a dowry to marry them, so their father married them off.’
Last year she won an Africa Movie Academy Award for best promising actor.
After Nawi finds out that her exam results are top in the county, she hears that her father is selling her to a wealthy man, Shadrack, in exchange for ‘60 sheep, 8 camels and 100 goats’.
Nawi smears blood on her legs on her wedding night to fake a period then runs away to go to high school in Nairobi. She outsmarts her furious father and Shadtrack then confronts them after learning that her baby sister has been promised to Shadrack as a replacement bride.
When Nawi’s classmate doesn’t show up for an exam, boys joke that she’s ‘busy making babies’.
The story was written by Milcah Cherotich, whose sister was forced into marriage at 14 and gave birth at 15. The child died while being carried on her back: ‘She lived a life that was not hers. A life designed by my parents and her husband. Those are things I wanted to change.’
Backlash is expected, she says.
Watching it with her uncle – a supporter of child marriage – Cherotich said: ‘After 55 minutes he was crying. I was rejoicing, thinking: “At least 1 man has been touched.”
In sub-Saharan Africa 1 in 3 girls marry before 18. Globally 1 in 5 women aged 20-24 were married as girls vs nearly 1 in 4 10 years ago.
Ikeny believes the film can change lives: ‘When you watch it, try to put yourself in the shoes of Nawi, of all those 640 million girls. When you’re young you have so many dreams’”
WORDS Teenage actress takes on child marriage in role mirroring real life (BBC, 26/1/25)
ON THE CLASSIC 1970s HANDBOOK “Sex positivity, polyamory, threesomes: the extent to which they’re now more acceptable has a lot to do with Alex Comfort. In 1972 the British physician published THE JOY OF SEX, the first popular book in English that explained and celebrated the art of making love.
A coffee table how-to guide with tasteful drawings of a naked couple in a range of sexual positions, it became an international bestseller and helped shift perceptions of sex along the procreational-recreational axis.
Now it’s the subject of an upcoming comedy by Sharon Maguire.
‘We didn’t have The Joy of Sex in my house growing up because [we were] Irish Catholic. Sex wasn’t mentioned, never mind a book about it,’ she says.
The film focuses on the love triangle between Comfort, his wife Ruth and her best friend Jane Henderson, Comfort’s lover and collaborator.
The middle-aged couple took Polaroids of their bedroom exploits, which Comfort, thinking they could be used, proudly showed his publishers, much to their distress.
Instead 2 illustrators drew the graphic scenes with porn models who ‘kept pouting at the camera’, says Maguire. That wasn’t
deemed suitable for the target audience of loving couples. So one illustrator, Charles Raymond, volunteered with his wife to re-enact Comfort and Henderson’s sex life while the other illustrator drew them.‘It sounds like a sex romp but it was well intentioned. There was really nothing like it. No textbooks, even medical ones – no illustrations, no pictures,’ says Maguire.Hippyishly hirsute, Raymond no doubt helped establish beards as a symbol of virility in the 1970s.
Comfort found sex hard to talk about.He liked to compare sex to cooking: knowing what to do in the kitchen results in better meals, so knowing what to do in the bedroom can lead to a happier life.He would have been pleased that unorthodox forms of sexuality are ‘more out in the open,’ says Maguire. ‘But for all the complications of sex, love and desire we all experience, monogamy remains the norm.’The sexual revolution he envisaged never quite materialised”
WORDS “They were trying to do 200 different poses during power cuts”: Bridget Jones director takes on The Joy of Sex (Guardian, 9/2/25)
🌈 “Powerful speeches, trans acceptance, queer joy & some frankly amazing outfits… Here are LGBT+ MOMENTS from the 2025 Golden Globes you need to know about:
1) Karla Sofía Gascón honours trans community…
Star of trans musical drama Emilia Pérez, the trans actor accepted the Best Motion Picture – Musical Or Comedy award, saying she wore a yellow and orange Saint Laurent gown because she wanted the trans community to know that: ‘Light always wins over darkness. You can beat us up but you can never take away our soul, our existence, our identity…
I want to say to you – raise your voice and say: ‘I am who I am, not who you want!’
2) Wicked brings queer joy despite being ‘snubbed’…
The highest-grossing adaptation of a Broadway musical featuring an out LGBTQ+ actor, Cynthia Erivo, Wicked took home only 1 award: Cinematic and Box Office Achievement. Presenters Jeff Goldblum and MichelleYeoh filled their time with fun moments featuring LGBTQ+ terminology
3) Baby Reindeer wins 2 awards…
The hit Netflix show’s creator and star Richard Gadd won Best Limited TV Series and JessicaGunning won Best Supporting Female Actor for playing a stalker. Gadd, who is bisexual, said fans’ support ‘means the world’ to him
4) Jodie Foster dedicates win to wife and sons…
Speaking of her sons Kit & Charlie’s support, Foster dedicated the Best Actress In A Limited Series award for True Detective: Night Country to ‘the love of my life, Alex’ (her wife AlexHedison)
5) Queer Eye star stuns in new gown…
Jonathan Van Ness showed up in a gorgeous Siriano gown that hung beautifully on him
Honourable mentions
* The stars of The Substance, ‘divas’ Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley, reenacted their characters’ tensions, creating a significantly camp and funny moment that delighted viewers
* Actor Andrew Garfield set Gay Twitter on fire by giving a smouldering look to the camera while slowly putting on a very sexy pair of glasses and adjusting the neckline of his partially unbuttoned shirt. The clip took the internet by storm”
🌈 WORDS The most iconic LGBTQ+ moments at the 2025 Golden Globes – including Jeff Goldblum saying “zaddy” (PinkNews, 6/1/25)