MAYDAY MOMENT
“Do you and Daddy
have sex?”
Your 6-year-old asks a direct personal question out of natural curiosity
Expert Response #1
Bring up connectedness
Yes, we do. It is fun and helps you feel more connected and bonded with someone you love. It also feels nice
Explain that people have sex most of the time not to make babies but because it feels nice
Dr Naomi Sutton, sexual-health consultant physician on E4’s The Sex Clinic and at Rotherham NHS Foundation Trust
Expert Response #2
Explain that you can talk about sex generally
That is a personal question about a private activity which Daddy and I might not feel comfortable talking about. But we can talk about why people have sex if you are interested in discussing that…
Josie Rayner-Wells, national PSHE/RSE adviser
Expert Response #3
Use the words “making love”
Yes, we do have sex. We call it making love. That’s how you were made
Yoan Reed, director of Teaching Lifeskills and Outspoken Sex Ed
Whatever you say next, keep these things in mind…
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Say: “I’m glad you’re asking me about this!” or “Lots of kids your age wonder about this”
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Be honest. And don’t worry about saying too much. Remember: this conversation is just the first of many and will show your child that you are open to discussion and they can talk to you about anything
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However or whatever you are thinking about sex isn’t how your child is experiencing thoughts about it
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Sex is at the heart of how we teach our kids about self-acceptance. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural, it’s a big part of life and it isn’t what you see in the media or online. It’s not just about bodies – it’s about feelings, self-expression, communication, closeness and intimacy. It can be fun (and funny). Sex should be mutually wanted and pleasurable – and part of a respectful, trusting, healthy relationship
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To learn about the context of your child’s question, turn it back on them and ask a question about their question. Listen non-judgmentally and you’ll learn where your child is coming from. Kids are usually ready to talk before their parents are…
CRISIS NOT AVERTED?
More help with sex and younger kids…
SEX POSITIVE FAMILIES | Having the talks
Lots of useful resources, including podcasts and books, about talking openly with children about sex, love, pleasure and relationships Go to Sex Positive Families >
TODAY’S PARENT | Age-by-age guide to talking about sex
This article gives parents some pointers about how to talk about sex with their child, starting “From birth to age 2” Go to Today’s Parent: Age by Age Guide >
BABY CENTER | Talking about sex with 6- to 8-year-olds
What kids age 6 to 8 ask, and what parents can answer. From keeping it simple to encouraging curiosity, these are good age-specific approaches Go to BabyCenter >
PLANNED PARENTHOOD | Tips for talking openly
How can I answer my child’s sex & relationships questions? When should I start talking? Great advice about having open conversations Go to Planned Parenthood >
Remember: every child is different. Adjust these suggestions for the age and stage of your child. Children with special educational needs and disabilities, looked-after children and children who have experienced abuse may all need different support.
If you’re in doubt about your child’s emotional, physical or psychological development, please seek the advice of a professional